Proud

I’m proud. I want to write this blog entry to say that…I’m proud of myself.

Almost exactly one year ago (January 5^th, 2021) I closed on my first house at 35 years old. 

Now, for some people, this may not sound like a significant accomplishment. Some people become home owners in their early twenties, and for many of my peers, they were home owners by their early thirties. Maybe they had a partner or parents to assist with the down payment…maybe they didn’t have student loans…maybe they lived in a small condo to start….etc. For some people, home ownership was a relatively easy next step.

But not me. I became a homeowner at 35 years old. And I am so proud of this fact, as well as the journey it took to get here.

Here’s the deal. Ten years ago, in 2012, I first moved to Des Moines. I’ve written a few blog entries about what it was like when I first moved to Des Moines, but let me recap. First, I had almost no money because I had just graduated from graduate school, and I was moving from Nashville to Des Moines. Second, 2012 was definitively the worst year of my life (and, to this date, it still is!) So, I literally moved to Des Moines for my hospital chaplain residency WITH NO HOUSING LINED UP. I arrived in Des Moines a couple of days before my position started, an emotional train wreck, possessing barely any money, and I had no place to live. Moreover, I wasn’t going to have a significant amount of income any time soon as my chaplain residency only paid a mere $28,000 per year.

And yet I survived. I found a place on Craig’s List I could afford on my meager salary, and I moved in. I had….almost nothing. I owned a used bed, a $100 futon from Wal-Mart that resembled the backseat in a van, and a box TV from 1995. I moved into a place that had ugly green carpet everywhere, no dishwasher, and mouse traps in the basement.

But slowly, I did what I could to improve the aesthetics of the apartment with the salary I had. I started donating plasma so I could have more money, and I also joined a pet sitting service to try and stow away more cash. Eventually I was able to buy a new couch and chairs, and a couple of years later, a flat screen TV. In the meantime, I read several DIY blogs, and so I painted the apartment and completed a few other affordable projects to make the place feel brighter and more pleasing. I was proud of how I had transformed a POS into a place that reflected my personality.

Nevertheless, as much as I poured myself into the apartment, it was still a bit sketchy, and I outgrew it. Fortunately, after a couple of years of doing chaplain residency for pennies, I was hired for a professional job as a bereavement counselor for UnityPoint Hospice.  And yet, even though I was ready to move on from my current apartment, I still wasn’t ready to buy a house. Primarily, I couldn’t buy a house because I didn’t have enough for a down payment. I had only made a professional wage for about a year and a half, and so much of my income from that first year and a half was going toward student loans, car payment, etc. So when I outgrew my green apartment on Carpenter Ave., I looked for another apartment.

I found one on Cottage Grove; it was a house built in the late 1800’s that had been split into apartments. And oh, it was definitely an upgrade from my first apartment. It had hardwood floors, 10 foot ceilings, 2.5 bedrooms, dishwasher, garbage disposal, etc. It definitely felt like-and indeed it was- an upgrade to the starter apartment I had prior.

And yet, within a couple of years, I felt as though I had outgrown that apartment too. I’ve always, always been drawn to older houses because of their uniqueness and craftsmanship. However, I was realizing that not all older homes are made equal, and this one had some definite problems. There were cracks all over the foundation, my basement stairs were rickety af, my basement scared me in general, I hated that my landlord didn’t take care of the outside aesthetics, and I grew tired of not having space outside to enjoy the outdoors. I wanted a house, I wanted to make it mine, and I wanted it to be nice both inside and out.

But…I still didn’t have enough money for a strong down payment. I was slowly getting into a better financial position with having sustained a long-term professional job, but yet, much of that money was still going into slowly paying down my student loans. Additionally, I started traveling in earnest in 2015, and that was another significant siphon of my surplus cash. I was fully cognizant that my student loans would be paid off earlier, and/or I would have more money for a down payment if I did not travel as I did. Nevertheless, I made the choice then- and I stand by it vehemently now- to make at least a couple of trips per year with family and friends. I could write an entire blog post about this, but I value my relationships above all else in life, and those trips are an incredible way to connect with others and create memories. And I will not postpone them because none of us-nor the people we love- are promised tomorrow. I hear all of these dismal stories as a grief counselor about people who wanted to wait until retirement to travel…who wanted to wait until they had more money…etc. But then, before those events could transpire, their loved ones died and they never got to fulfill their plans. Personally, I will not live my life in anticipation of a future that may never come to pass.

So, all that’s to say- I grew tired of my apartment after a couple of years, but because of the aforementioned reasons, I didn’t have enough money for a satisfactory down payment for a house. I felt annoyed that so many of my peers had houses, and yet here I was, still in an apartment. I loved my life and knew I had blessings beyond measure, but a part of me was annoyed that I didn’t have a partner to help with the payment…that I didn’t have parents that helped pay for college…that my chosen vocation didn't pay more...all things that would have led me to achieving home ownership earlier. However, as a grief counselor, I’m also privy to all of the ways that life isn’t fair, so I addressed my resentment and let it go. I told myself that I might have to wait until I found a partner….I might have to wait another 10 years….etc... I just…I put the feelings of longing for a house on hold because there wasn’t much I could do about it. I simply stayed in my current apartment, made it as homey as possible, and maintained high levels of activity so that I wasn’t home very often.

And yet…life is incredible with the surprises it gives us. I’ve long since learned you cannot predict the future because you simply cannot even imagine the things that will happen in your life.

Out of nowhere, 2020 came. We all know what happened this year. Like everyone else, I was forced to be in my apartment….a lot. And I hated it. I felt so stir crazy and depressed being trapped there I could hardly stand it. One day, in July, I was so restless while doing some documentation for my job that I got on Zillow for the hell of it. And I saw the cutest little house; it was a pink home with a front porch in central Des Moines. I almost cried when I saw it. I immediately sent the link to my family, figured they would simply say, “that’s nice!” and move on to other conversation, so I quietly went back to my documentation.

Well, long story short- my family actually strongly encouraged me to look at the house! I didn’t think that I could pull off being a home owner, but they helped me think through some of my concerns and the logistics. Moreover, my sister called my attention to the fact that interest rates were at historic lows. I vaguely knew this was happening, but again, I didn’t give it much notice because I didn’t want to start dreaming about something I didn’t think could become a reality. But with their support, I made an appointment to look at the house I had admired on Zillow.

Ultimately, after doing a walkthrough with my sister and Dad, I realized that while the house was super adorable, it wasn’t THE fit for me. So, I thought that I would go back to my original plan of waiting. But my realtor sent me a link to another home…and then another…and then another. Suddenly, I realized that I absolutely needed to do everything possible to buy a home. THIS was the time. I felt like…I couldn’t wait any longer. I felt like…I was ready. I felt like…the opportunity was ripe with interest rates as low as they were. I.Needed.To.Buy.A.House. IT WAS TIME.

And so I threw myself into buying a home. I was on Zillow constantly, and I found myself simply mesmerized by all of the beautiful homes. However, I still needed more money for a stronger down payment, so I also threw myself into DoorDashing. Thankfully, because 2020 was such a shithole of a year, there weren’t many exciting things happening, so I could DoorDash constantly so I could quickly grow my savings.

I looked at a million homes, but none of them seemed right. I obsessively looked at houses July – October, but I couldn’t find my house. It felt like maybe it was simply another pipe dream. 

Until I found it. I found this house, and it was the perfect fit. You see, I realized from prior experience that I couldn’t shake my desire for an older home because I simply ADORED their authentic wood, craftsmanship, and individuality. But I needed to have one that was updated and modernized to a tee so that I didn’t have so many maintenance issues and frustrations. And I found it in this house. This house was a craftsman home built in 1923, and it has the original hardwood floors throughout the whole house, as well as the crown molding in every room!!! Nothing has been painted or removed! However, it has also been thoroughly renovated. Foundation, wiring, plumbing, lighting, roof, etc.- it has all been meticulously restored.

I immediately loved it, and I realized the only reason it was still on the market was because the sellers wanted to close in January, and it was only October. Most people would want a 30 day close for a variety of reasons, but with my month-to-month apartment lease, I gave zero effs about the closing date. I put in an offer, they countered, we continued negotiations, blah blah blah, and….I got the house.

I sort of feel like God/the universe led me to this house. As I stated earlier, it met all of my very specific qualifications (I actually didn’t even list all of my, er, many qualifications for a house here. For example, one of my top qualifications was that I refused to even look at a house if it didn’t have a giant front porch!) And then there were other positive signs as well. For example, I found out later that the person moving from the home was a fellow seminarian! I appreciated knowing that I was buying the house from someone who was in a similar field and gave off good vibes. Additionally, when I had my house closing, something got messed up with the paperwork, and it was the fault of my lending company. To apologize for the mistake, they bought me an even lower interest rate! I could hardly believe my good fortune. And finally, I realized that I really was led to this house at the right time when I just happened to run into my old apartment neighbor at Hy-Vee. She told me that just after I left my old apartment, the place was sold, and the new landlords were terrible. Indeed, she actually ended up moving out on the spot after she found mold and the new landlords wouldn’t do anything about it. I….I felt…simply incredulous when I heard this. Things really had fallen into place for me when I didn’t think they would.

One year later, I still completely love my house. I try to spend more time at home, now, because I love it so much. And I’m proud of how far I’ve come in only a year. Again, I moved into a house with having only lived in an apartment, and while I possessed more than what I did when I first moved to Des Moines, I had NOTHING to assist with home ownership. I’ve had to save up and buy some of the simplest items, such as a snow shovel, garden hose, rake, curtains, etc. And, I’ve had to work hard to pay for more expensive items. My cheap ass apartment furniture looked like ass in my elegant house, so I’ve been slowly replacing all of that. To start, I bought a new dining room table, buffet, and desk. Oh! And- the item I had been looking forward to the most- I bought a swing bed for my front porch. I could live out there in the warm months.

Obviously, I still have so much more that I want to do with my house (which is probably true of anyone!) I need to paint the upstairs, replace my bedroom furniture, buy a new living room furniture set, redo the landscaping, etc. I have an ongoing list on my phone. :) 

But, while I’m always planning ahead, I never forget the past and the journey it took to get here. I’m proud that in the past 10 years, I went from living in a shithole with a van seat futon for my only furniture to living in an impeccably restored historic home. And I’m proud that I did this by myself. It took…so much hard work on my part to be able to achieve this. I worked 85 different odd jobs on top of my full-time career, but I made it. Now, let me be clear- just because I’m PROUD of myself for having achieved this doesn’t mean that I PRESCRIBE this as the path to home ownership. I’m HAPPY with where I landed, but I DO wish that the path had been a bit easier. I wish that I hadn’t had to work quite so hard and fight so desperately, and I strongly believe there are some systemic changes that could smooth the path for others.

Nevertheless, those systemic changes haven’t happened. Additionally, I didn’t have a partner or family to help me out, and so I did it. By myself. Working extremely hard. Strategizing. Praying. Doing the best I could.

And I’m proud of that.