Hey all! I know it has been red hot minute since we posted on the blog. I thought I would kick things off again by talking about my recent trip to Costa Rica with my leadership life coaching group. To be honest, I wasn’t quite sure I was going to go on this trip. My ex-husband conveniently forgot to tell me that he was going to be gone for military training on the same dates as I was supposed to be in Costa Rica. That meant two things – first, that my ex-husband would predictably take a shot at me by implying I should not be taking “another” trip, and second, that I would need to try to cobble together childcare for my 15-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter. The trip was also scheduled over my son’s 15th birthday, which I had not realized at the time I signed up for the trip. This meant another jab from my ex-husband, a discussion with my son, and trying to find a way to make his birthday special despite both of his parents being gone. In addition, someone close to me did not support the leadership life coaching group or the trip to Costa Rica which had resulted in numerous significant and unpleasant discussions leading up to the trip. Finally, I just wasn’t feeling well – in fact, I had been feeling lost and uncertain. The end result of all this judgment and guilt and emotion I was experiencing was that all the joy was sucked out of the prospect of traveling to Costa Rica. If the trip hadn’t been paid for, I can assure you that I would not have gone. As it was, however, the trip was paid for and so I found my unexcited, unenthused ass sitting on a plane heading to Costa Fucking Rica. It didn’t feel good, I was uncomfortable and I wondered if I was doing the best thing but I am so glad I did.
Although I was still feeling a bit of animosity and anxiousness toward going on the trip, the reality is that Costa Rica is an amazing place. Full of wild and wonder, the jungle leads to volcanoes, rainforests and sandy beaches depending on which direction you go. Cacao and coffee flourish amidst a culture of ceremony and natural healing. Just being in the presence of unadulteratedforests and undeveloped beaches was enough to lighten my emotional burden significantly. In addition, for the first five days of the trip, I stayed at Imiloa Institute – an all plant-based, alcohol/substance free retreat campus set in the heart of the jungle. You can check it out here if you would like: https://imiloainstitute.com/. Tarantulas and other multi-legged creatures greeted me each evening as I walked back to my room nestled in the deepest part of the jungle (pictured below). I asked for this room because I wanted to be as deep into the natural environment as possible. Luckily, an old Army trick kept most of the critters away from my room (if ya know, ya know). I experienced sound healing, a cacao ceremony, breath work, meditation, a blue clay ceremony and swimming in two waterfalls. People laughed and people cried, myself included. I danced more in five days than I did in four years of college. Friendships were strengthened and new bonds were formed. We all claimed something there. Confidence, wild woman, roar, sexy, balance and joy to name a few. Most importantly for me, however, is that I reclaimed my trust in myself.
After the first five days, the retreat portion of the trip was over and most of the women in attendance left. I had decided to stay a few extra days to experience more of Costa Rica. I rented a car and drove to Arenal Volcano, Rio Celeste, and La Fortuna. I went solo hiking in two national parks, experienced the hanging bridges, swam in La Fortuna Waterfall and the Blue River, and soaked in the hot springs all by myself. I had the best couple of days just doing whatever it was I wanted to do at the pace I wanted to do it (aka balls to the wall). I find it somewhat entertaining, but also a little disheartening about the number of people who are surprised to find a woman traveling alone. Most are just curious but some want to know why I am not with a man. I used to say I could shoot a gun just as well as a man could but I think it was scaring people so now I just tell people I can’t wait for a man to live my life or I will joke that men and I don’t seem to get along so well. I suppose it is a rarity to see a solo traveler in general, but in particular a woman, but I wish more people had the experience. It is truly liberating, inspiring and a good way to get to know yourself better. Not only that, but I have noticed people are friendlier to me when I solo travel – perhaps out of pity for the lonely single girl – but I don’t really think that. I think most of the time they are curious about what kind of person I am. But I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I do experience a little bit of shame when I have to ask for a table for one, But, guess what? Even though it doesn’t feel good and I’m uncomfortable, I do it anyway, and I am glad I do.
And so I have finally gotten around to the point of this blog. Nothing about this trip felt right or good. Nothing about it was easy and it was uncomfortable in many ways. It was implied I was being selfish. It was implied I was not being a good mother. I felt guilty and judged. I was sad about leaving my children, and distraught about being gone over my son’s birthday. But by God, even though nothing felt comfortable, I did it anyway,and I am glad I did. Sometimes in life, we think discomfort means we should stop or not continue, and in some contexts that might be true, indeed. But in other contexts, I assure you that discomfort is the currency of dreams. No matter what kind of life you lead, there will be critics who may make you feel discomfort with your chosen path. If you stay at home all the time, there will be those who find fault with it. If you take a trip for yourself, I can assure you that there will definitely be critics. The question is what type of credence do we choose to give these critics? Do we want to give critics any power over the trajectory our lives? That is a choice we must all make for ourselves. I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Theodore Roosevelt:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
I’m not as eloquent as Teddy Roosevelt, but as part of the retreat at Imiloa, every person had to give an offering of some kind to the rest of group. I am not going to go into the details of my offering because I think it was a “you had to be there” sort of thing to understand it. But at the end of my offering, we all shouted “Illegitimi non carborundum,” which means “Don’t let the bastards get ya down.” That’s how I want to end this blog. With a call to be who you are, even when its uncomfortable or doesn’t feel good. To show up in this world authentically big, loud, weird and bold even in the face of judgment and criticism from others. And if or when you feel the judgment of others creeping in and robbing you of your joy, push through that discomfort and either remind yourself of the Teddy Roosevelt quote if you want eloquence or simply say to yourself like I do, “Don’t let the bastards get ya down.” Big Love to all from Iowa!
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