Pip

As I mentioned in my last blog, someday I am going to write a book about all the lessons I have learned through my children and how they can be applied to “grownup” problems. Here is another vignette for you until then.

Often, I talk with my sisters about calling people out on their bullshit or when they do something for which they need to be held accountable. It would not be a rare occasion for us to get fairly spirited saying something like, “yeah, call that *expletive* out!” Additionally, in a recent workplace training on creating a compassionate work environment, I answered one of the instructor’s inquiry on how to do so by saying that people who do not act in compassionate ways should be “called out.” 

More recently, however, I attended a training for my victim advocacy during which the facilitator was talking about how we should work to not call people out but rather to call people in. This portion of his talk really struck me. It made sense to me in the way that he explained it and even just thinking it through in my head but I did not really see it in a real-life example until my four-year modeled it…

One night during this last month Larry and I were arguing and nitpicking with each other after a long day at work. Who the hell knows what it was about. It was probably something silly and due to the stress of the year, the pandemic, the holidays, who knows. We never argue in depth in front of the kids but for small disputes, we have never hid the fact that we have disagreements. 

After dinner, I took the kids up for a bath. I think Larry was taking longer than normal to come upstairs to assist and so LJ asked me where he was. I told him he was taking a long time because he was “being a pip.” A pip is our word for being a little irritable or difficult to get along with for the moment. LJ did not ask any more questions and instead said, “I’m going to go get him.” He went downstairs, got him, and stayed by his side the rest of the night. As soon as he brought him upstairs he asked to read a book with him and said, “I love you, daddy.” It is a bit difficult to put into words because in writing this it somewhat just sounds like typical four-year-old behavior. But it wasn’t – LJ was calmer and sweeter. You could tell that he knew that daddy was being a pip and probably needed extra attention instead of just being “called out.”

As an adult, I would have and was tempted to tell him to hurry up and get his bum upstairs and to quit acting like a pip! My four year old knew better – often when someone is “acting out” they need more attention. And when someone does need to be “called out” on their behavior, you may get a better response if rather you “call them in”…or upstairs to snuggle, read a book, and tell them that you love them.