Don't Use Others' Stories to Count Your Blessings

I wrote the following for a hospice publication a couple of months ago. The reference is slightly dated (The Festival of Trees and Lights happened in November), but the message I want to convey in this publication is enduring, so I wanted to include it on the Dissident Daughters blog. We simply CANNOT and SHOULD NOT use other people's "misfortune" to account for our own #blessings. It does not matter what the other life circumstance is that we are referencing; other people should not be the means by which acknowledge our gratitude.

I was at the "Festival of Trees and Lights" this past weekend with my family. As we walked among the trees and admired their decorations, I heard someone say, "Oh my goodness. What a sad story about this little boy. This makes me so grateful that I get to still have my son."

I always cringe when I hear these types of statements. You see, on the one hand, I DO think that it's a beneficial practice to name our blessings and feel gratitude in our lives. However, on the other hand, I don't think that we should use the experience and circumstances of other people to do so. It implies that the other person is "less blessed" than us, and it suggests that our own circumstances have been given more grace than other people's.

Not only are we using other people's "misfortune" as a means of naming our own appreciation, but I also think that it's patently untrue that stories of loss, sadness, or a "lack" of something do not have their own rich blessings embedded within them. I do not know the little boy and his family that the woman was referencing. Nevertheless, it's entirely possible that they have experienced a type of love from their community that the rest of us will never experience, and that is a #blessing that we do not currently have and may NEVER possess. ALL experiences are filled with BOTH challenges and blessings, and we cannot self-determine that anyone's context- ourselves or others- fits neatly only with one category or the other.

Instead, I encourage a deeper type of reflection regarding gratitude. Certainly acknowledge the people, circumstances, and other events that fill you with appreciation. And along with that appreciation, display candidness about the way that these same people, circumstances, and other events provide challenges within that blessing. Moreover, also acknowledge that every human being is given different blessings. We do not have the opportunity to experience every type of fortuitous moment or circumstance in this life, and that is because we have limits as human beings. Your life has its own blessings and challenges all rolled together in a unique combination. Name those blessings and challenges in your life, and also remember that other people have their own rich story of blessings and challenges that are different (but not better or worse) than our own.