Timing, Gifts, and Challenges

It’s weird sitting down to write a blog post. At any given moment, I’m filled with millions of topics that I want to write on and feel passionate about. For example, I want to write a post on the gym as a form of church…finding joy in costumes…and many others. However, when the moment comes to actually write the post…it’s like I have to listen to what is really speaking to me in the moment.

Rght now, this article is what is speaking to me:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trust-the-timing-of-your-life_us_5995cbcbe4b055243ea136a2?utm_campaign=hp_fb_pages&utm_source=women_fb&utm_medium=facebook&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000046

There are several points that I take from this article:

1)      Listen to yourself. And, although the article doesn’t explicitly state it, I would add that you should listen to God (or the universe, or whatever term feels most fitting to you. For me, it’s God.) Listen to where YOUR life is leading YOU. I get it. I’m in my 30’s now, and there is strong societal pressure to have your life look a certain way. Although the narrative is not as strong as it once was, there is still significant pressure to be married, have 1.5 kids, own a home, and be on an upward trajectory with your career during this phase of life. And while this “traditional” narrative works for some, it doesn’t fit everyone, nor is the timing the same for everyone.

For example, right now, I still rent an apartment. It doesn’t “fit” for me to own a home. And while I’m certainly not ruling it out for the future, I’m quite happy right now that I don’t own a home. I don’t want to do all of the maintenance required for a home by myself. That’s not how I want to spend my time or energy. I don’t need the space of a home for just me- an apartment works fine. I’m not home that often, and when I am, I’m really only in the kitchen, in bed, or on my couch. I understand some of the financial benefits of attaining equity, but because it doesn’t fit for me right now, I invest my money elsewhere for my future.

Someday I might own a home when it’s a better fit. But right now, it’s not. And that’s okay.

2)      A disclaimer with number 1. Just because I advocate for people following their own narrative, I’m not suggesting that “anything goes.” I’m not suggesting that listening to yourself means following hedonistic pleasure- that listening to yourself means doing drugs, sleeping around with people because that feels good, or doing whatever you want because you can. No, I’m not advocating that, because I think that the mantra of “if it feels good, do it” is detrimental on many different levels and far too individualistic. So please understand- listening to the timing of your life is a deeper philosophy than that. It’s a relational process in which you listen to yourself and you listen to the signs of the world and God (or the universe) around you. It’s not decisions that you make simply based on pleasure and because “you want to” or "you have to." Rather, it's decisions that you make after deep reflection and that give you greater meaning. It's decisions that resonate on a very deep level. And oftentimes, the decisions aren't easy and they will require you to GROW.

3)      Recognize the benefits AND the challenges of whatever phase you are in right now in life because there are benefits and challenges FOR EVERY PHASE. For example, I loved high school sports when I was in the high school phase of my life. I STILL miss playing sports like that. However, there are plenty of challenges from that time period of my life that I don’t miss- such as peer pressure, not having a solid sense of self, etc. And now, with the time period that I’m currently in, it has its own unique benefits and challenges. I love that I’m in a place in my life where I can go to Adventureland 13 times over the summer (yes, that IS how many times I went this past summer, lol!) I love that I’m in a place where I derive significant meaning from my career- from interacting with people in their grief, and also teaching students at Simpson College. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t challenges with this phase in my life, however. For example, I definitely feel the pressure of living with a single person’s income.

Last week, Molly Alesch wrote about living life in phases. And in particular, she described how overwhelming it can feel those first couple of months after having a child while also feeling immense joy from the new life that was created. Like ALL phases of life, that phase offers some of its distinct challenges AND benefits. Just like a phase of retiring from work. Just like the phase of being in elementary school. JUST LIKE ALL PHASES OF LIFE. All phases are filled with unique gifts and blessings, as well as challenges and difficulties. That’s life.

4)      Along with #3…embrace and LIVE into the benefits and challenges of each phase. Don’t think to yourself, “I was so happy back when…<insert time period in the past>.” Because the truth is…you’re probably looking at the past through rose colored glasses. Remember the joys AND the hardships of the past time period. And conversely, don’t think to yourself, “I’ll be so happy when….<insert I get married, I have a child, I’m retired, etc.> Those things alone won’t give you joy or complete your life. Rather, they signify that you are entering a different phase of your life, and again, it will bring with it new joys AND challenges.

What do YOU think about the phase of your life that you are in right now? What do you think about the timing of your life?