Operation Shower

A year ago I was fortunate to be an honored guest as a brand new mom at a baby shower hosted by Operation Shower at Fenway Park. Kelly Pedroia, wife of Red Sox star second baseman Dustin Pedroia, helped coordinate the shower. LJ was not even 3 weeks old. I was still puffy, swollen and was probably running on an average of 2 hours a sleep per night. You can see my picture with Kelly and LJ above on the left.

I received so.many.amazing gifts at the Operation Shower baby shower I attended last year that I knew I had to give back in some way. So today I was fortunate to be on the other side of the operation. I volunteered with Operation Shower and helped to throw a baby shower for over 34 military mothers at Lakeview Pavilion in Foxborough. It was a beautiful, joyous event but I’m too tired to explain it and my words wouldn’t do it justice anyway. If you’re interested in the wonderful work this foundation has been doing for 10 years, please check them out at www.operationshower.org or find them on social media.

Today’s host/speaker was Rosie Pope. You can see my picture with her above on the right. I’m ashamed to admit this, but I didn’t know who she was until this event (I’ve never claimed to be a fashionable mom so that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it – I’ve since fallen in love and am following her on all types of social media). A portions of today’s event involved a Q&A with Rosie with questions coming from the expecting moms posed to Rosie who is a mother of four.

One of the questions asked about balance for a new mom. The way in which Rosie answered it, was a light bulb moment for me. She said something to the effect of how she doesn’t really like to think about “balance” for a new mom because quite frankly, it’s pretty unattainable for a new mom (one could argue it might not be attainable for anyone but that’s a separate post) and even if women strive for it, it just becomes another thing on their never ending “to do” list and ends up stressing them out. She said she would rather remind us that life comes and goes in phases – sometimes, like after the birth of a new child, it is messy and chaotic and a mom may be lucky if she gets 10 minutes to herself daily. However, those phases don’t last forever. Eventually our babies grow up and no longer want to be attached to our hip so as a mom of teenagers, we may find ourselves with plenty of time to ourselves – perhaps even too much time so that we miss those messy, chaotic, “unbalanced” years.

So as I reflected on what Rosie had said, and I reflected on my experience at Operation Shower one year ago compared to my experience today, and as I reflected on what I wanted to write for the blog, I wanted to anecdotally validate what Rose said. Life DOES come and go in phases. And while there are probably many phases with blurred lines instead of two distinct phases, I personally want to remember this lesson by the following mantra: sometimes you are the hot mess and sometimes you are the highness. Last year I was the hot mess. I was late to the shower because LJ had to nurse on the way in so I had to pull over in a grocery parking lot. I carried 50 extra pounds and two heavy bags under my eyes. I had no idea what I was doing as a mother. At that point my hormones were out of whack and I was still probably crying almost every day. During the shower I had to meekly ask where I could nurse LJ. While I was extremely grateful for the shower, I don’t think I really enjoyed it as I couldn’t really focus and be in the moment.

Fast forward a year to today and I kind of felt like the highness. No, I’m not a pompous a-hole who considers herself royalty, the word is simply meant to depict the stark contrast between two phases. This year I was 2 hours early to the shower and I was the one escorting moms to their tables giving them the low down on the event. This year I was the one directing moms where they could nurse if they needed to and giving “advice” I had learned over the last year. I’ve lost the 50 pounds and feel good physically even though I’m still tired from chasing a toddler around. I definitely don’t cry every day though I do cry some days. And most importantly, I was able to fully be in and enjoy the moment today. I feel like some of the joy that I missed out on last year when I was a hot mess was regained today in my short stint as the highness.

I’d love to hear from our readers. Do you think life comes in phases or is balance attainable? When have you felt like the hot mess? When have you felt like the highness?

A Love Letter to Our Blog and My Sisters

I try not to do it...over the course of my life, I have learned that being thankful and grateful makes life that much more enjoyable. I send handwritten thank you notes to people who have accorded me with their time, energy, wisdom and material gifts. I have kept gratitude journals and I make sure I try to give back to those who have given to me in the ways in which I am able. But...I guess it's similar to taking out frustrations on those closest to us...sometimes I forget to thank people for things that aren't so obvious. Today, that is my sisters...and more specifically, the time they all put into this blog.

Over the course of the nearly two and a half years we have been writing this blog together, there have been a few times when one or more of us has questioned whether we should keep doing it. At different times, one of us seems to drop out of the mix. Sometimes it seems like the same people do most of the posting...and a conversation between us ensues. This happened recently and it prompted me to think about this blog and what it means to me, more than it has previously. Because for some reason, this time it seemed like the end might be more imminent than it had in the past.

For various reasons, as individuals our performances have ebbed and flowed (by performance, I mean regularity of posting). Two examples I feel I can speak confidently of are Molly, who had my nephew LJ last June, and myself. Becoming a mother and understanding and creating the new balancing act a baby entails...I completely understand why Molly, a socially, physically active working mom, has skipped some of her weeks. As for myself, it is difficult for me to post when I am depressed, which happens on occasion (eventually I will blog about this...but not yet. This is one I need to work up to...even after two and a half years). I think this is what life is...everything in life ebbs and flows. This is what creates the bittersweet symphony of life. This is what allows us to appreciate, learn from and grow from our moments, our seasons and our lifetimes.

Anyway, when this happens, sometimes we question if everyone is committed to the blog. We question if people read it. We question why we are writing. And it's been different sisters who have brought it up-I know I did once, about a year or so ago. I do think this is normal...to check in and evaluate. It's a good thing...and it also emphasizes, for me, the waxing and waning of life, which is also a good reminder.

That said, this last time made me realize I hope the answer is always that we keep writing. Even if we take a break for a few months, I hope we keep writing. This blog has given me so much. It is an opportunity for me to write, to get my thoughts out, whether or not anyone reads them or "likes" them on facebook or gives me feedback. I've cried writing blog posts. It's a more intellectual version of what running does for me.

More and most importantly, it has given me the gift of knowing my beautiful sisters better. We know each other fairly well. We text in our sisters text nearly every day. We email. Sometimes (those of us who aren't phone-a-phobes) we talk on the phone. We get together...even with Molly and Kristen who are out of state...I am grateful to say that we see them more than most people with out of state relatives. And I see Anne and Jill fairly regularly since we are all in the Des Moines area (newsflash...Jill and I are coaching Trevor's soccer team together this fall!).

And still, I learn new things about my sisters from the blog. I get to know a more intimate version of my sisters, even when I have just talked to them recently and feel like I'm up to date on their lives. I get to know them as people better and I learn from them. Two examples from fairly recently I can think of are Anne's post on her foot ordeal (Anne's Foot Saga) and Jill's post on judgment (We Don't Judge Trees).

I knew everything that had happened with Anne's foot...sometimes in real time. After reading her blog post, I realized I hadn't comprehended the enormity of how that situation affected her, emotionally. I empathized with her more than I had...in addition to appreciating the wisdom in the post.

 Jill's blog about the different trees...I hope she doesn't take this the wrong way but she does claim "resident asshole" status so...I'm going to go ahead and say it. Her blog...I got to see a different side of her. She made me think about some things regarding judgment that I'm not that good at and I struggle with, even though I feel I'm a fairly non-judgmental person. She forced me to confront myself.

And it was nice to see a softer side of her-a side she doesn't show very often, even though it's definitely a big part of her.

All of this is to say...I would miss this. I love the stories. I love crying and laughing when I read and write our blog posts. I honestly don't care if anyone else ever reads them, I want us to keep writing them. For us. I love my sisters and I love our blog. And I am sorry if I haven't expressed that enough. Take time off if you want to or need to. I don't care how long it is. But let's keep writing...for us, for each other. Thank you for the time and effort and energy and love you have all put into this blog. I will try to remember to say it more often...I love all of you and your stories and your perspectives and your beautiful souls and if no one else reads this blog, I still want to.