Jennie From the Blog

Hey ya’ll. I’m back on the blog again after having taking last week off because of the hectic chaos I was living in which I currently call my life. I am writing this blog after just getting done planning for the school week so I am now able to relax, reflect and post my thoughts on paper. This week’s blog is going to be a little different than my usual post, as it will be a joint blog post between my roommate and close friend, Jennie Smith. Jennie is also a 2^nd year corps member in Memphis, TN and is an inclusion teacher at a middle school in Memphis.

One thing you need to know about Jennie and my relationship is that we will give each other hugs when they’re needed, but also give each other a swift kick in the ass where it’s also warranted. We have known each other for a year and a half now and our relationship has blossomed into one where we can be genuine and authentic without hurting the other person. Needless to say, we are brutally honest with each other (usually in a respectful manner with the exception of one time). I appreciate Jennie’s friendship because she often times grounds me and isn’t afraid to put me in place, which for those of you who know me, isn’t always easyJ. Our joint blog post is about a recent conversation we had and our reflections afterward.

Kristen: I don’t really care that he didn’t text me back because he’s a douche anyway.

Jennie: Okay valid, but you really need to stop calling all men douches.

Kristen: But all men are douches or at least the men I’m attracted to.

Jennie: And that’s part of the issue. You can’t call an entire gender that just because you’ve met a few who haven’t been the best.

Kristen: Why?

Jennie: Well, you really shouldn’t call anyone a douche, but that’s not the point here.  The point is that just because one girl messes up doesn’t mean all women are terrible. Well… just ‘cause a few men screw up it doesn’t mean the entire male gender is horrendous.

Kristen’s reflection:

I have recently thought a lot about Jennie’s and my conversation. Since moving to Memphis it seems that the men I have been attracted to carry a lot of baggage and when I use the term baggage I mean they’re full on packing for a 6 month trip to Europe. They’ll have multiple kids with multiple baby mamas, struggle to hold or find a decent paying job and don’t necessarily have the time or energy to make me a priority in their lives (rightly so with that much baggage). I’ve pondered over and over again as to why I am constantly attracted to these types of men and it wasn’t until my most recent date with a man that I was able to somewhat put a hypothesis on this.

This past weekend I went out with a man that I met via Tinder (yes, I know my generation is using this app and although there are conflicting opinions about it, I do believe that it isn’t all bad). I went and got drinks with Tinder dude at a bar. We casually drank, ate and talked. All in all, I had a decent time and enjoyed the conversations we had together. However, I left the date immediately coming up with reasons as to why it wouldn’t work out and why I shouldn’t see him again. I told Jennie that because he was dressed nice, spoke eloquently and was in general a very nice man that he must be gay. There MUST be something wrong with him. (Jennie’s remark: To which I reprimanded her for saying that being gay is wrong)

This in general is an issue with me. Every time a “nice” guy likes me I immediately shut him down. I’m not sure I do this because I like the “chase” of a bad boy or if I do this simply because I don’t think I deserve a nice guy or if I’m actually not ready for a committed relationship so I go after something that I know will not turn into anything serious. Like I said, I’m not sure why I do this, but I will admit I definitely do this and am currently in the process of trying to figure out why because I don’t actually want to do this. I do want to find someone I can settle down with, I do want to find someone that will make me a priority and I do want to find someone that likes me for more than what I can offer in the bedroom.

Jennie’s reflection:

So first thing’s first, last year I forced Kristen to watch my all-time favorite movie with me  (okay, okay, maybe one of my favorites, I can’t choose just one!), Perks of Being a Wallflower. Don’t wanna spoil the plot for you, so brief synopsis: It’s a coming of age film about a boy named Charlie and his friends and family and all the baggage that comes  with life. Charlie’s sister is abused by her boyfriend and Charlie goes to talk to his mentor, his English teacher to ask for advice.

Charlie: “Mr. Anderson, can I ask you something?”
Mr. Anderson: “Yeah.”
Charlie: “Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?”
Mr. Anderson: “Are we talking about anyone specific?”
(Charlie nods)
Mr. Anderson: “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Charlie: “Can we make them know that they deserve more?”
Mr. Anderson: “We can try.”

See that quote speaks volumes to the problems Kristen and so many in our generation are having. We tell ourselves we deserve less, even if we don’t voice it. We tell ourselves that we deserve what we’ve gotten and there’s nothing better out there. We tell ourselves this and you know what? That’s exactly what we get.

No not all guys are bad, not all girls are great. But we tend to view them as less if we think we deserve less. We tend to view guys as having an agenda other than trying to get to know us, ‘cause we don’t think we deserve someone who genuinely wants to know us. Truth is, we are scared to let anyone in and let them truly know us. It’s terrifying. We know ourselves, we know our strengths and our weaknesses, we know our deep dark secrets and they terrify us. We are afraid that if anyone else finds this stuff out they will go running and we will be left broken waiting for someone to save us, but we don’t really want to be saved.

See, I have this amazing example of a healthy, loving, not perfect, and constantly growing relationship. My parents have been married for 30+ years. They are awesome. They have truly lived out their marriage vows. They make me want that. But you know what, my parents don’t have the cookie-cutter-met-in-high-school-sweetheart story. They both went through a lot of crazy and a bunch of heartache before they met. And you know what? They didn’t start dating immediately. They were friends for a few years before dating. And you know what? Since they’d taken the time to figure out who they were as single individuals and pursued their careers and worked their hardest to make a difference in this world, they each found someone with the same drive and the same passions who could work alongside them in their mission for the rest of their lives.

My parents show me daily that love and relationships aren’t meant to be easy, and they aren’t meant to be perfect. They are meant to be dynamic. More than that, if you’re too scared to be yourself, it’s not gonna last.

There is one thing to remember about every relationship, as the great lyricist wrote: “It’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames.” (TSwift)

Currently, Kristen thinks the latter….don’t worry, I’m gonna keep calling her on it!! J

Currently, if any of you were wondering, I (Kristen) keep going on random dates with people I’ve met from every which way and Jennie, is single but keeps her options open for the one man that shares her passion for making this world a better place or whatever you want to call it. If any of you were also wondering, Jennie is currently sitting on my bed eating some janky Polish dish she concocted a few minutes ago (shout out to Pittsburgh history) and I’m about to kick her out so I can go to bed. Night ya’ll (yinz for the Pittsburghers out there).