I couldn't believe it when Anne texted all of the Dissident Daughters and told us it was the two year anniversary of our blog!! Trite expressions have a foothold in reality and my...how time flies. Though we've skipped a few weeks here and there, we've posted more often than not and we all just renewed our blog vows and commitment to each other and our readers. Because I'm a self-admitted dork, I looked up second anniversary gifts...there were three options: 1) traditional anniversary; 2) modern anniversary; 3) travel anniversary. Being the gypsy soul I am, I selected the travel anniversary so this is our beach towels for a beach vacation anniversary...which I'm more than okay with! To commemorate our two year blog anniversary, each Dissident Daughter wrote about a favorite sisters memory. Help us celebrate our two years by reading our memories and sharing your own favorite family memories with us...we'd love to hear more from our readers!
Molly:
One of my favorite Alesch sister memories is when we
celebrated my “bachelorette” party in Chicago (centered around 2 Cubs games) in
September 2014. I put “bachelorette” in quotations because it actually turned
out to be more of a bachelor party by
the end of the weekend. This transformation from a bachelorette party to a
bachelor party is one of the primary reasons that it is one of my favorite
memories of all of us together.
We all have our insecurities. One of my less significant,
seemingly trivial ones and one that I have over the last couple of years been
able to accept is that I am not a woman that will ever be described as “always
put together.” I clean up nicely but it takes a lot of work. I don’t just have
cute outfits lying around that I magically mix and match into something that
looks fashionable. I usually have to go to a store and have the clerks tell me what to wear. I really can’t do
my hair besides wearing it curly with a bit of gel, straightening it with a
straightener, or throwing it up in a ponytail. If I’m going to a wedding, I’m
most likely going to pay to have my hair done. Same with my makeup. And when
I’m not a making a pointed effort to appear somewhat put together, I’m most
comfy wearing workout clothes. Further, when what I consider “put together”
women travel, they usually have nice(r) bags. My own stereotype involves them
traveling with matching Vera Bradley bags. Me? I usually roll into places with
a junky gym bag that still has a couple of gym clothes in it that I was too
lazy to remove.
Anyway, what does all this have to do with my memory of my
bachelor party? Well, when I think of bachelorette parties for which I have
been a guest, I think of the anxiety I always have before attending. It takes
so much preparation for me. Typically, girls are dressed to the nines so I’ve
always got to try extra hard to actually have something to wear with matching
shoes, jewelry, etc. And then I have anxiety about what you are actually
“supposed” to do at bachelorette parties. Are you “supposed” to give a gift?
Are you “supposed” to have some kind of funny sex toy? I’m just not really into
that stuff so I never know the bachelorette party etiquette.
Thank GOD, for my own bachelorette party I had none of this
anxiety. I told my sisters I didn’t want any gifts, sex toys, crowns, etc for
that entire weekend. Although, I think even if I wouldn’t have told them, they
wouldn’t have thrown that kind of party anyway. And when I packed for the
weekend, I had none of the usual anxiety about packing an outfit that actually
looked decent to go out in. I simply threw 2 Cubs t-shirts in with a couple
pair of jeans and called it good. I can’t actually remember but I think I
possible packed a “going out” outfit but it didn’t matter anyway because I
never even took it out of the suitcase…score!!!
So I fly to Chicago anxiety free and when I land I had some
Snapchats from Amy, Anne, and Kristen who were driving to Chicago from Des
Moines. It was funny because sister Kristen looked like a bag of smashed
assholes in all of the Snapchats as she was seriously hungover from the night
before. If I had any anxiety at all about having to dress up and look put
together over the weekend, seeing Kristen in her hungover (actually I think she
was still drunk) state quickly quelled that morsel of anxiety. I questioned
whether or not she even packed an overnight bag let alone a decent wardrobe.
When I got to the hotel, everyone was already there. I didn’t
walk into a room full of blow up dolls or penis decorations but rather just a
room full of one of my favorite sounds in the world- my sisters’ laughter. We
had to get right to the Cubs game so I changed into my Cubs tank- easiest “getting
ready” ever and was ready to go except for one thing. Jill had just one prop
for me for the entire weekend. It was a handmade (a nice way of saying a Jill
sham job) ball sack necklace. Basically it was a pretty small plastic set of hot
pink balls on a key chain that she made into a necklace by attaching it to a
fake gold chain. I willingly put it on because it wasn’t gaudy in the least
bit. Sister Kristen proceeded to tell the story of how they picked Jill up from
the airport and she had just a tiny suitcase and the ball sack necklace
materials in hand. Apparently when she got into the car with the rest of the
girls is when she shammed the thing together saying, “welp, gotta get Molly’s
necklace ready.” A year later I still guffaw thinking of Kristen reenacting
that. Side note: my husband now has a matching set of plastic blue balls he
received from Jill over Christmas although he was not fortunate enough to also
receive them with a gold chain.
Anyway, I think the first day’s Cubs game was pretty uneventful.
The best story from that day that I can remember is that sister Jill and sister
Kristen had what has become infamously known as the “Mai Tai Challenge.” Jill,
being in her mid-thirties and really only drinking beer her entire career, was
certainly out of her prime and at a disadvantage compared to Kristen who was in
her senior year of college still spending her weekends drinking nasty ass
Hawkeye vodka. Kristen pressured Jill into the challenge but low and behold,
Jill won! I really don’t know how she pulled it off. I feel like it was kind of
like how when a dad and a son wrestle, the dad can still win even as the son
outgrows him physically because you just can’t underestimate “old man strength.”
Similarly, the young buck Kristen learned you just can’t underestimate old lady
drinking ability. Now every time we get together Kristen re-challenges Jill to
the Mai Tai Challenge.
After the game that first day we hung around Wrigleyville. We
went to one of my favorite places, Goose Island for food and then went to a
couple of bars in the area to dance. I loved it because for the most part
everyone in Wrigleyville just goes out in their game apparel so we were all
just hot and sweaty in Cubs tank tops on the dance floor. No dresses or heels
required! Nothing too exciting happened that night that I can remember. We all
kind of took it easy because we were taking a tour the next morning, heading to
another Cubs game following the tour, and then going out again the next night.
Oh, although I do seem to recall sister Kristen making out with some guy in a
green shirt from a bachelor party on one of the dance floors. I also recall it
being documented, as was a lot of the trip, by sister Anne also known as Archive
Boss for her amazing memory and ability to actually remember to take
photographs when we are together.
The next day we took a boat tour of Chicago (one of my
favorite things to do there) and then headed to our second Cubs game. We all
got pretty shit-faced at the game. The game lasted a little long so sister Amy
along with friends Kortney and Naomi went back to the hotel room early to get
ready and then kind of set up our area at Howl at the Moon (at the time I didn’t
yet know that we were going there). The rest of us stayed at the game and
listened to Jill harass a bachelor party. I can’t remember everything she was harassing
them about but I do remember one her quotes to the bachelor was something about
how he couldn’t carry a magazine (as in a weapon magazine) in his cargo pocket
because he’d shoot his own nutsack off. It was so hilarious at the time and as
I write this, I’m putting it on my mental to-do list to try and have Kristen
reenact that one next time we are together.
After the game, the rest of us jumped in a taxi to meet the
others at Howl at the Moon. “Most” brides to be would have wanted to shower and
put on some kind of dress. Me? I just wanted to keep drinking and get there and
sing and dance so I rolled up in my cutoff jeans and t-shirt. Oh, I also don’t
think I would have had time to get ready even if I wanted to because we were
running kind of late and apparently I had already missed “my song” that they
played for me and they were going to be playing it again soon. That was another
special part of this memory that I’ll never forget- my sisters requested “Good
Golly Miss Molly” specifically for me to dance on the stage. My sister Anne and
I have loved that song ever since we were little and played make-believe with
our dolls and then I danced to that song with my dad at my wedding so it was
awesome that they played it specifically for me at a huge venue in Chicago. I
also remember and can still visualize my sister Amy’s face because she was so
excited for me to hear it but also nervous that I would miss it again.
So the night went on. There are so many hilarious stories
from that night but I’ll rehash two of my favorites. The first one entailed
Kristen getting stuck outside after a smoke and the bouncers not letting her
back in for some reason. Jill happened to join Kristen outside and when she
found out that they wouldn’t let her back in, Jill marched Kristen right
through the door and then quoted something to the effect of “Kris, you can do
anything when you have a bandana.” Side note: Jill’s “bandana” was simply a
cutoff from her t-shirt after she got too hot at the game. Not long after, Jill, Amy, and I were on the dance
floor together. Jill wandered off for a little while and then came back to Amy and
I to report that a guy had “been mean” to her. It was so bad that Jill apparently
couldn’t even talk about what he had said to her. Amy immediately went into big
sister mode and marched over to confront the guy. I can’t remember what the guy
actually said but ultimately, I think
Jill had just misunderstood the guy. Anyway, it was just hilarious because Jill
had just come in from bragging about how she could “do anything” with a bandana
but then had to have her big sister Amy confront a bully for her. Meanwhile,
Amy had JUST almost broken down bawling on the dance floor after getting
emotional about a song but then immediately transformed into Jill’s superhero.
I guess that’s how sisters roll. You play the part that your sister needs at
the time.
Wow, this has become much longer than I anticipated. Oh well,
I wanted to document everything for the history books anyway so if you’ve
started just skimming as a reader, so be it. Anyway, not only is this one of my
favorite memories but I can say that the weekend turned out to be one of the
best weekends of my life. I had my favorite people there (not only my sisters
but many of the people in my life who I consider my pseudo-sisters: my best
friend Naomi, my cousin-in-law-ish Kortney, and long-time family friends Trish
and Big Shot Diers). We were all together generally doing the same things
(watching baseball, laughing, drinking, singing, and dancing) but yet we still
all felt confident being ourselves amongst our group. In other words, we were
still able to maintain our individuality. For example, Sister Anne isn’t a big
drinker. For the most part, I don’t think she felt pressured to get snockered
at all during the weekend just because most of us were. And I’m pretty sure she
still had just as an amazing time as the rest of us. Another example is that
some of us wanted to get dressed up for the second night out and some of us
didn’t. Amy, Kortney, and Naomi ended up wearing dresses out to Howl at the
Moon while the rest of us wore jeans and t-shirts. I think for the most part we
were all comfortable in what we were wearing and never once judged the others
for either being dressed up or not being dressed up. And most importantly, to
bring this full circle, nobody judged me as the bride-to-be who will never be
the “put together woman.” I had the night of my life dancing on the Howl at the
Moon stage in my ripped jeans and t-shirt amongst all the other brides-to-be in
their little black dresses.Anne:
It’s funny- I was just getting ready to write my own memory when I decided to look at what my sisters had already posted. And…as serendipity would have it…Molly referenced one of the memories that I was going to write about! You see, Molly had a pretty amazing ‘bachelor’ party a couple of years ago. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write about one of the memories from there as I assumed at least one sister would write about that weekend, but this one continues to “stick” with me, so I will extrapolate on Molly’s reference.
Molly writes, “The first [favorite story] entails
Kristen getting stuck outside after a smoke and the bouncers not letting her
back in for some reason. Jill happened to join Kristen outside and when she
found out that they wouldn’t let her back in, Jill marched Kristen right
through the door and then quoted something to the effect of “Kris, you can do
anything when you have a bandanna.” Side note: Jill’s “bandanna” was simply a
cutoff from her t-shirt after she got too hot at the game. Not long
after, Jill, Amy, and I were on the dance floor together. Jill wandered off for
a little while and then came back to Amy and I to report that a guy had “been
mean” to her. It was so bad that Jill apparently couldn’t even talk about what
he had said to her. Amy immediately went into big sister mode and marched over
to confront the guy. I can’t remember what the guy actually said but ultimately, I think Jill had
just misunderstood the guy. Anyway, it was just hilarious because Jill had just
come in from bragging about how she could “do anything” with a bandanna but then
had to have her big sister Amy confront a bully for her. Meanwhile, Amy had
JUST almost broken down bawling on the dance floor after getting emotional
about a song but then immediately transformed into Jill’s superhero. I guess
that’s how sisters roll. You play the part that your sister needs at the time."
Now, let me correct Molly on one point. The bouncers didn’t
let Kristen in because SHE DIDN’T HAVE HER WRISTBAND. She attempted to get back
in, but she was rejected by the bouncers
because she lacked the proper requirements for entrance!
The other detail that wasn’t mentioned in this story is
actually one of my favorite parts. After all of this went down, we questioned
Jill as to why she went to Amy (as opposed to the other sisters) when the guy
was “mean” to her. Jill then proceeded to go through each of us and explain
what each of us would have hypothetically done and why it wouldn’t have been
satisfactory. If she had gone to Molly, Molly would have been too
straightforward. Molly would have said something like, “Well, sometimes people
say mean things. Just ignore it.” Molly’s response would have been right to the
point with a bit of practical advice. THIS wouldn’t have been satisfactory for
Jill because it wouldn’t have validated her rage- she was beyond pragmatism at
that point!
If Jill had gone to me, I would have wanted to explore her feelings. I would have asked her “how it made her feel” and wanted to discuss how it impacted her on a psychological and spiritual level. THAT would have been the wrong move because it was waaaaay too “touchy feely” for Jill, and it was obvious how she felt- she wanted vengeance! She didn’t want to sit around talking in circles about what had happened, she wanted ACTION.
And then there’s Kristen. If Jill had gone to Kristen for
help with the “mean” guy, Kristen would have cussed right back at Jill! Kristen
would have told her to “sack up” or to “stop being a douche.” The message would
be clear- Get.Your.Shit.Together- it’s time to have FUN.
And so, Jill went to the sister that she KNEW would give
her the reaction that she wanted. She knew that Amy isn’t generally super
confrontational, but she has a few triggers to put her on the offensive. And
one of those triggers is any WHIFF of a potential injury to a sister, and this
will incite a single minded rage that will not rest until it pierces the
offending agitator.
I love this story for its hilarity, but I also love this
story (and its hypothetical outcomes!) because I think it embodies our blog’s
tagline- SO similar, and SO different. We are SO similar in that we are all
sensitive and care deeply about one another’s well-being. When a sister needs
us, we’re there. Sometimes we nail it, sometimes we miss the mark, but what
matters is that we are ALWAYS THERE for one another. I can’t BEGIN to tell you
the number of times that I have called one of my sisters and just started
bawling. Actually, it just happened this last weekend! LMAO!
However, we are also so
different, and I love this story because it succinctly nuances our personalities.
Jill is our resident badass sister, but you better believe that she’s also as
sensitive as they come. Amy is all about love and feelings (which is why she
was practically bawling during a song that night), but that same love has some
barbed wire around its edges, and she will readily use it when provoked. Molly
and I are much less…combative…than the other sisters. Molly is sensitive, but
she is also very logical and practical. She will feel uncomfortable that you
are in pain, and she will therefore offer advice that will assist with your
ability to relieve the pain. I’m extremely empathic and analytical, and this
means that I will validate and explore someone’s feelings all night long.
Kristen has different modes that she engages. Now, if Jill called Kristen on a
Sunday afternoon about someone being mean to her, Kristen would have listened
with the best of them. But NOT when it’s party time!! Kristen shifts between
different modes rather seamlessly, but she doesn’t really occupy multiple modes
at the same time.
I loved this story so much, in fact, that I ordered handmade "bandannas" for each of the sisters this past year, and they each have our different titles written on them. Amy's is "Log Boss," Jill's is "Defensive Boss," Molly's is, "Big Mama Boss," mine is, "Archive Boss," and Kristen's is "Offensive Boss." Included on the bandanna was a little tag that said, "Remember, you can do ANYTHING when you wear a bandanna."
5 Sisters. 5 Women. So Similar. So Different.
We shared our experiences with the world for two years
now, and here's to one more!Kristen:
It’s very hard for me to pick one favorite sisters’ memory,
especially after reading everyone else’s posts about their favorite memories.
Truth be told, we have so many good memories and I would like to share every
single one of them, but that would take me a year or more to probably write. I would
really like to write about the time that all five of us went to the Smokey
Mountains, but I was only in 6th grade then, therefore I know my
recollection of the events during that trip are a little shaky.
Being the youngest of the five girls, I never actually got
to grow up with my sisters like they did with each other. This definitely had
its pros and cons. A con is definitely that I get to share less childhood
memories with each of them. I do not have any “Jake and Roger” stories or “Joseph
and Mary” stories. A pro, however, is that I got to form 4 unique relationships
with each of my sisters outside of the realm of normality for a sisterhood. For
example, Amy took me camping in Cedar Falls when she was in college. I would
designate one weekend a year as “my weekend alone” with her. This was her
weekend to spend time with me and take care of me. Another example is that
Molly would always feed me lunch in the summers (mac and cheese to be more specific) when she was a senior in high
school and I was in 2nd grade. It was our usual routine. She once
again took care of me. When I come back to Iowa for a visit now, Jill’s home is
what I go home to. She always puts on a very welcoming feel and I feel very
loved and appreciated there. I call Anne and talk for hours comparing our
dating stories or I simply call her when I need that little boost of
encouragement or deeper thinking on a matter. Long story short, my sisters will
always be my sisters and my friends, but because of our age difference and
upbringing, they will also be my role models, life guides and even somewhat maternal figures (as lame as that sounds).
I think my fondest memories of my sisters all deal with them
supporting me and being there for me even when I wasn’t wanting it or expecting
it. One memory that sticks out in my mind for a multitude of reasons is
my graduation. I graduated from college this past May which is obviously a
momentous event in itself, but it was also very memorable because I got to
share the past four wonderful years of my life with the 4 most important people
to me. It was also very very memorable because all of my sisters showed up even
when I wasn’t expecting all of the to.
Jill told me around Christmas time of 2014 that she had just
been offered to take a slot in this military school that would allow her to
advance with her career as an officer. I am also in the military and I
understand how hard it is to get into school with us being broke as fuck now a
days, so I told her that it wasn’t a problem and that she should take advantage
of this opportunity. I neglected to tell her that I felt hurt and upset that
she wasn’t going to make it to my graduation which was a very important
milestone to me.
Anyway, I accepted that she wasn’t coming and even though I would
miss her I knew that I would have the rest of my sisters, brother-in-law, niece
and nephew and parents there to support me. The ceremony went by quick and then
after that I decided to take all of them to my college roommate’s and my
favorite bar “Club Car.” It’s this little hole in the wall bar where very few
college kids actually go or even know about. Their signature drink is a jager
bomb which is actually more like a jager 16 oz lol.
We went there and everyone had a few drinks and the mood was
light and joyous. All of a sudden, Griff, the bartender brings the infamous
jager bomb over to me. I was a little confused because I hadn’t ordered one.
Griff says, “The gentleman in the back bought this for you.” I was like what the
fuck is Griff talking about? All of a sudden in strolls Jill Alesch Finken in
her purple shirt and leggings and cap on. I'm pretty sure she said something sarcastic as she strolled in but I can't remember what it was exactly. I was so shocked at that moment in
time and so very happy that she made it. I had no idea that she was even going
to come. I hugged her and I almost started crying. Apparently her and the rest
of my family coordinated her arrival. They all knew she would be there, they just didn’t
know when. So Molly was sneaking in and out of the bar taking mysterious phone
calls. Anne was being shady as usual (still not sure what her exact part in the
mess was or maybe she was just around Mom which made her seem like she had a
part in the mess lol).
The point is is that Jill and my family pooled together
so that Jill could surprise me on my special day. It meant and still means so
much to me that Jill busted her ass 5 hours driving to get from Fort McCoy to
Iowa City just to spend less than a day with me on my special day. This is what I mean when I say that the best memories I have
of my sisters are when they give me love and support when I’m least expecting
it or wanting it. They always have my back and will do anything to show that.
Thanks for everything you guys do for me. I truly would be more lost than the
average early 20 year old without you guys. I love you to the moon and back.
Happy 2nd blogiversary sistasssss <3
Amy Sue:
Jill and I shared a room when we were growing up. We had four kids in the family by then (Kristen was not a proverbial twinkle in our parent's eyes), so money wasn't free flowing and Jill and I shared a double bed. We would hold hands while we were going to sleep if we were scared and we invented a signal to figure out if the other one was awake that didn't involve talking...I'd squeeze Jill's hand three times (or vice versa) to see if she was awake and she or I would respond in kind if we were awake. No response meant the other one was asleep and the decision had to be made whether straits were dire enough to wake your sleeping sister or if the scare factor could be toughed out until sleep came.
More than once, I remember Molly and Anne coming into our room because they too were "scared" and we all four slept in the double bed. We would all be comforted by being near each other and somehow we probably slept better snuggled together, four in a double, than we would have each in our own bed. I hadn't thought of this memory in probably twenty plus years-until sometime in the past year. I don't know how we all fit into that bed, let alone slept.
I do know that is a very fond memory for me. We were all taking care of each other. We were all comforting each other. We were all loving each other. No matter what had happened during the day, we always ended the day there for each other. I assure you, we had our share of fights...Jill and I were almost kicked out of the public library for physically fighting over a book (yes, we were that nerdy) and there is a story in Alesch lore about Anne throwing an apple at Molly as Molly ran away and slammed the door shut on the apple in the nick of time. After Kristen graced our family, Molly teased her as the witch Bony Legs and I know she and Anne had their moments, though I was out of the house by then and am less familiar with their shenanigans.
What all of us snuggled in that bed make me think of is the love we have for our family. Like I said, no matter what had happened during the day, we took care of each other when we needed to be comforted in the scary dark of the night. And we still do that to this day and were blessed to have Kristen added into that mix. We have all had our difference...we've all disagreed with each other and hurt each other and misunderstood each other. As humans who are in relationship with each other, we will continue to do so...it is the nature of being in relationship. And I know that just as in my memory, we will always end the metaphorical day by taking care of each other, being there for each other and loving each other. We are sisters. We are family. It is what we do...not because we have to but because we want to. Happy two years, my lovely ladies...I love all of you and can't wait to be on a beach with you sometime soon <3
Jill:
There are
some moments in life when things seem perfect. It’s a funny world. We try so
hard to create happiness and end up building our own personal prisons courtesy
of cubicles and offices with or without windows. These things we think we need
and want, they really don’t mean shit. When asked about the best moments of our
lives, a response will generally not have anything to do with what we bought or
how much we worked. It has to do with people, with relationships, and with
experiences. And yet…we choose to spend our days amassing fortunes instead of
treasuring moments. I am thankful that despite being different people who are
all struggling with their own individual demons, my sisters and I still manage
to come together when it counts and have moments that truly sustain me.
Sometimes when I think about these moments, I picture them in slow motion just
so I can keep them in my head longer. These are the things that matter. These
are the things that are important. These are the things I have been trying to
prioritize in my life. It’s my answer to the question about why I’m not making a
ton of money as an attorney. It’s my answer to the question about why I’m
happier today than I was 5 years ago. These are the moments that make life worth
sticking around for.
I had a
difficult time settling on a memory to write about for our two-year anniversary
post. I debated back and forth because there were a lot of options. Lately, for
me, there is an undercurrent of anxiety that I feel runs through some of my
memories making them feel less joyful. I have been increasingly affected by
feeling pressure to be one way or another, to not be so much of an asshole, to
try and restrain my opinions and reactions. It is fucking exhausting but I’m
trying hard to follow the words of my counselor who told me not to offer my
opinion unless I am asked. That’s tough for us assholes. So some of my memories
are muted, some of them littered with the stress of feeling I said too much or
said too little and not knowing what is the right amount of Jill to bring to
anyone. So I ended up choosing to write about one very discreet moment in time
based on how I felt. Real, authentic, and in the moment immersed completely.
Not worried about being too blunt, not worried about being too manly, not
worried about offending someone and not realizing it, no third world problems
swirling around in my brain like a snow globe.
For my
sister Molly’s bachelorette part, which later was dubbed the “Bachelor” party,
it took a yeoman’s feat to get all five of us in Chicago at the same time.
There were lots of memories about this weekend, and I’m sure my sisters might
be writing about different aspects of this epic weekend. I remember one
particular point in time. Kristen and gone outside for some reason I cannot
recall. Amy was cutting it up on the dance floor in her little black dress,
Molly’s nutsack necklace was dangling over a tower of shots, and Anne was
wandering around upstairs in the Howl at the Moon off limits area practically.
I went outside for my sneak smoke and ran into Kristen. For some reason, she
was denied re-entry from bouncers. I grabbed her hand and without analyzing
whether I was doing the right thing, whether I would look stupid, whether I was
being too aggressive, whether we would get in trouble, I said to her, “You can
do anything when you are wearing a bandana.” I was wearing a homemade bandana
that suggested I had an affinity for Rambo. I walked by the bouncers and
casually but confidently said, “She is with me,” and proceeded to drag Kris
back into the bar.
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