Err on the Side of Love

Almost every Saturday when I lived in El Paso, TX, my boyfriend (henceforth in this blog referred to as Boyfriend) at the time and I had a cozy, fun ritual of making the what were quite possibly the best egg sandwiches ever made and picking out muffins or donuts to go with them at the local bakery. Every Saturday, this felt like a very special and fun way to start the weekend together...except one. This specific Saturday, during our trip to the store to get eggs and bread and, of course, the requisite hot sauce, a man approached us in the store parking lot. He told us that his car was just off of the interstate (I-10 runs east and west through El Paso) and he had run out of gas. His wife and two kids were in the car waiting for him and he didn't have any money for gas. He asked us if we could spare any money to help him out. Boyfriend thought the guy was scamming us and got somewhat pissy with him and of course shot down his request for money. I didn't have any cash on me at the time and was embarrassed by Boyfriend's reaction. We continued into the store, picked up our items and I took out $15 to give to the man on the way out. He was still in the parking lot asking for assistance so I went over to him and gave him the money. He was very grateful. Boyfriend and I proceeded to have a disagreement as to the true intentions of the man and whether I'd been foolish to give him the money. Though it's been nearly ten years since then, this memory continues to stick out in my mind and resurface. I've thought about it enough to know why and that brings me to the title of this post.

In my life, I would rather err on the side of love. Maybe that guy was scamming me and he ran off with my $15. But if he was telling the truth and in need, I would not be comfortable turning away from him. I would rather be generous and compassionate than suspicious and judging. I can only choose and manage my own actions and behavior and I am not responsible for someone else's...and I choose love. That man is responsible for his actions and if he was lying, that is his to deal with, not mine.

This specific story stands out for me because I think it was one of the first times I put this feeling into words. During the argument with Boyfriend, I had to figure out why it bothered me so much that he was suspicious and seemingly uncaring to someone who was possibly in need. I also had to figure out why I'd rather be potentially scammed out of $15 than be the person who denied someone help because I presumed to know someone else's intentions, situation and life. And that's the other part of this...I don't want to view the world that suspiciously or negatively. I don't want to think that everyone is out to get me or that everyone is out to fuck everyone else over for their own benefit. To me, that seems like it would be a miserable way to live and I don't choose that for myself...so I choose to err on the side of love. Make no mistake...this in no way means that I don't have boundaries. I have worked very hard at establishing those for myself. Boundaries are a part of love (aside: boundaries can be an uncomfortable part of love and it is why they are often missing). What I am saying, however, is that we are able to choose the energies we allow into our lives.

I had originally planned to post on a different topic...the other Dissident Daughters are aware of it, and trust me, the topic pisses me off so it will be posted at some future date. However, I wanted to share this post in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., as we celebrate his life and legacy this week. Dr. King is credited with the quote, "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." My way of sharing this same sentiment is to "err on the side of love" and my reasoning for working toward this in my life is just what Dr. King said...hate IS too great a burden to bear. Hate brings along with it the burdens of judgment, suspicion, self-righteousness, punishment (which is a completely different mentality than preserving boundaries), distrust...and in my life, when I have embraced these aforementioned burdens, ey have brought with them unhappiness and misery. Dr. King definitely knew what he was talking about regarding love and hate...and it does not only apply to the most famous of Dr. King's passions, civil liberties. This concept applies to peace within our own lives and selves. This is why I choose to err on the side of love...and my wish for myself is that I continue to make this choice, even when I am in places in my life that require me to be even more calm, patient and self aware...with others and with myself.