A Holiday Plea

It’s that time of year!!! It’s the holiday season!!! Time for family, friends, food, fun, and festivities!!! (Do you like the alliteration I used there?)

Here’s the thing. I love the holidays, AND I also find them to be overstimulating/stressful. I’m guessing there are others that also strongly identify with this sentiment.
Let me explain.

I DO love the holidays. I love that I am able to be with my entire family all at the same time- both my immediate and extended family. I love all of the holiday parties- just yesterday, I had a cookie exchange with a group of friends, and then I went to a work party afterward. I love all of yummy food- I ate puppy chow for the first time in a year yesterday, and it was positively delightful. I love all of the fun decorations- I put fake snow all around my apartment, and I feel like I’m living in a idyllic winter wonderland. I love that I am able to catch up with some of my long-term friends as they come to Des Moines to visit over the holiday season. I love the holiday music- seriously, is there anything better than jamming out to Carol of the Bells?!

I love the holiday season. And yet- it is certainly overstimulating and stressful.

It’s difficult to try and schedule everything that you want and need to do. Two of the fellow Dissident Daughters (Molly and Kristen) do not live in Iowa, and they are coming back to Iowa for Christmas. I want to see them as much as possible while they are home since I do not see them very often. I also want to try and see one of my best friends that is home for the holidays from Switzerland. I have another college friend that currently lives in Colorado that will be visiting Des Moines. And of course, there are the usual life events and gatherings that continue on in the midst of the holidays. Cookie exchanges, newborn babies, birthday celebrations, etc. There is SO MUCH going on. And to try and keep working out, doing laundry, and maintain a household as well? Ohhhhhhhh buddy.

I start to feel stressed because I want to be able to see everyone and do everything. And it’s…it’s so hard. You have to take into account other people’s schedules, context, unique needs, etc. And the fact is- there is just TOO much going on this time of year to be able to do it ALL. And you will NOT have enough time with the people you do see. You won’t have enough time because there is NEVER enough time with the people we love, and this is especially true when you are trying to cram so many things into a short time period.

What do we do with that? Here’s the balance that I’m trying to maintain. I WANT to affirm and validate these feelings of stress- both in myself and others. These feelings of stress are coming from a place of valuing our time with other people and feeling stress when it is not enough. Additionally, these feelings are also coming from a desire to BE valued by other people. Affirming other people’s worth- as well as our own- is one of the most important needs we have as human beings.

And yet. I also want to remind everyone that these problems- these stressors- they are incredible gifts. It is a precious gift to have so many people to love and cherish in your life. I am reminded of that EVERY day when I talk to people in their grief. This is particularly hard time of year for people who have had their loved ones die; they don’t feel like celebrating, their traditions are broken, and the people they most want to be at their celebration- they are not here. I have talked with some people that are so lonely at this time of year that they have asked me to accompany them to their holiday traditions because they do not have anyone else. I have had people beg me to hold my parents as tight as I can because there will be a day when I cannot.

It is difficult to see and do everything we want during the holidays. It is difficult to communicate our needs and schedules with others. I definitely feel the weight of that stress. My plea to myself- and everyone else- is to work with that stress. To realize that having this type of stress is one of the best types of stress to have. The stress is going to happen, you aren’t going to be able to do everything perfectly, and there will be tension. Try to do the things that are most important to you AND the things that are most important to the ones that you love. Let go of some of the routine and everyday stuff, and embrace the moments that you are able to spend with friends and family.