Speechless

It isn't often that I'm speechless and yet, today I find myself in such a state. I'm absolutely and utterly exhausted and simply lack the ability to dedicate my heart and soul to a post like I normally would. You see, all of the Alesch's-the assholes and the angels alike - and even a few of their friends and extended family descended upon St. John for middle sister Molly's wedding to a wonderful man named Lawrence. I spent a week in an alcohol - induced haze that seemed to be fueled by my very presence in paradise despite the activity of the day. Going boating? Grab the Corona. Going to the beach? Grab the rum.  Going to Skinny Legs for a cheeseburger in paradise? Order the guava special. Have to give a toast at the wedding? Down five glasses of champagne. It was a fun, relaxing, beautiful, romantic and love filled week.

It was not without harsh words and included a bit of drama but that is to be expected when you have 13 adults and my two children crammed into a five bedroom villa. It was also not easy to get 13 people to do anything much less to do it on time. Plus, St. John is an expensive place to travel to, to stay and to play. Oh, and good luck getting cell phone service there. So there were worries about money, worries about getting in touch with others, worries about who paid for what and how much and worries about who got stuck with the couch. I was constantly worried about my kids and whether I made the right call in taking them with us. They were exposed to cursing, drinking and sarcasm. But they were also exposed to real life, real love, real forgiveness, the ocean, the island life and so much more. In the end, I know I made the right call. My children have not been sheltered from the bad but they have also witnessed first hand the good, the beauty. They see the give and take in relationships. They see that an argument doesn't mean you cease caring about a loved one. They see conflict resolution and that no one is perfect. They see that right and wrong can be fluid depending on the situation. They see that life is meant to be enjoyed and lived to the fullest. They also see that there is a big world out there and hopefully, someday will understand that the sun does not rise and set on them, the local sports team, the local competition, or their job. I'm not downplaying the benefit of doing one's best and participation in activities or work, but what I am against is the rabid and often parent dictated importance placed on things that truly do not matter. We owe it to our children to expand their spheres of reality, not limit their focus to myopic levels of self accomplishments.

We all returned to general chaos...Amy stranded in Texas for what seemed like an absolutely ridiculous amount of time due to weather and flight attendants not showing up for work, Kristen taking a final the next day, me driving all night to start military school, and John losing a bag that never made it out of St. Thomas. My son had to go to school the next day after going to bed at 11 p.m. Anne was the only semi-smart one of the group who took the next day off work.

But...none of that mattered. I would do it all again in a heartbeat in order to see any one of us get married by Anne with the rest of her sisters standing up as bridesmaids. Yes, I could have bitched. Yes, I could have made people pay me to the penny. Yes, i could have let someone else plan a boat day. Yes, my kids got sunburnt and so did I. But all of these things simply didnt matter to me. What mattered was that everywhere I looked, there was love. Love between Molly and Lawrence that simply emanated between them...love between five different sisters, love between two families, love between friends, and love between my kids and their extended families. Sure, this is probably present in any wedding but the fact that we had all traveled so far to share in this experience really made me see so clearly what a lovely gift Molly gave us in giving us the reason to travel as family and friends, and to enjoy a week in paradise--a gift that most of us would have never bothered to give ourselves unless we were made to. So Molly got married, and yet, I was the one who felt like the richest person in the world.  It made think that is really funny how that works. The more we give, the more we receive. The more we refuse to accept a mentality of scarcity, the more we get back. And the more we embrace all of our emotions, the less power negative emotions hold over us because we begin to see they are just a small part of the whole. Whatever I spent in money, gained in pounds, and lost in liver functionality, I do not regret a single moment we were there in all of our dysfunctional yet beautiful glory. That's how an Alesch rolls.