Three Pack

Hello! Molly here. I haven’t posted since May - right after Memorial Day. I promised a follow-up post to comment on our Memorial Day celebrations but never got around to it. Honestly, I didn’t feel like anybody (except my husband who asked me when he could read the follow-up post) actually wanted to read the second part. And truth be told, nobody else inquired about it so it remains an untold story. Anyhow, the aforementioned (feeling like nobody reads my posts) coupled with the fact that we Dissident Daughters agreed to ensure we post regularly even if one has not much time nor energy, has inspired a rather short, simple post from yours truly. I don’t feel like philosophizing about one of the many issues for which I have passion and I don’t feel like discussing a hot topic in the news. So here goes…

The big, entertaining news in the middle child’s life is that our family grew from a two pack to a three pack this week! Larry and I adopted a 6 month old puppy from a place in Dedham, MA called Shultz’s Guest House. If you live in MA and are looking to adopt, definitely check out their website (www.sghrescue.org). Such an amazing organization! We adopted Daphne, who is supposedly a lab/beagle mix (thought I think she has some greyhound in her because fortunately for me, she loves to run!), last Tuesday and already I have learned and realized so much from my new experience in being a dog owner. Here are the top 3:

1.       Although I am not yet a parent (and by no means do I want to minimize/trivialize the parenting experience), being a puppy mama has some similarities to being a baby mama. The biggest one that comes to mind for me is that you can’t “hurry up” a puppy just like you can’t “hurry up” a child. Children and puppies simply want to enjoy life and have not lost the ability to stay in the moment. They aren’t rushing from activity to activity or place to place. They aren’t so distracted by modern technology and social media to literally stop and smell the roses. For further reading you should definitely check out this amazing blog post on “hurrying up” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-macy-stafford/the-day-i-stopped-saying-hurry-up_b_3624798.html.  Before being a puppy mama, I would go on walks with a mission. I’d want to get in a certain mileage or complete the walk within a certain time so that I could quickly move onto my next activity or obligation. Walking with Daphne has slowed me down immensely. She wants to stop and smell EVERYTHING and it’s been good for me. When she stops to smell the flowers, I actually notice what kind are in the neighborhood now (we have tons of beautiful hydrangeas right now!). When she stops still to try and listen to chase a bird or a bunny, I actually notice the sounds around me. I’m in the moment more and it’s nice.

 

2.       Being a dog owner automatically forces you to become more social. Before Daphne, Larry and I knew probably 3 families in our neighborhood. In only 6 days, we have met at least 8 additional families AND their dogs. On Friday night, many people in the neighborhood were walking their dogs. At one point, we had all stopped to talk and let the dogs play and there were 6 dogs and 9 humans standing in the middle of the street. I have never felt so “neighborhoody” since moving into the house in January 2014. Here it was, 7pm on a Friday night and we were all gabbing in the middle of the street. On one of the other days while walking Daphne, one of our neighbors asked if they were going to see us more now that we had Daphne because “no offense, but you guys were kind of hermits.” Haha!! I will admit that Larry and I are both kind of introverted people, but I wouldn’t have thought people would say we were hermits! Yay for Daphne bringing us out of our shells!

 

3.       People really can and do love dogs…sometimes more than they love humans. It was the cutest thing on Friday night because one of the humans standing in the middle of the street was an adorable 6 year old girl, Ava, who wouldn’t leave Daphne alone. She kept kissing her, hugging her, and playing with her ears. I never had the experience of really loving an animal while I was growing up so to witness Ava loving on Daphne was quite moving. My best friend Naomi and I joke that when fellow dog owners and their dogs meet, the owners are more likely to remember the newly met dog’s name than the newly met owner’s. Personally, I can list off all the dogs’ names that we met Friday night (Max, Riley, Chunk, Stan, Milo, Daphne) and only about half of the owners…case in point. Tonight while walking Daphne, a man intentionally stopped mowing his lawn so that he could say hello, not to me but to Daphne. Even more interesting, he doesn’t even live in the neighborhood – he was just taking care of one of the lawns. Furthermore, he asked what Daphne’s name was but had no interest in saying hello to me or asking my name. By no means was I offended as I’m not one for small talk anyway, but I did find it intriguing. Most likely he loves dogs more than humans. J

 

 

 

 

In the Hole

"This guy's walking down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep, he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, "Hey, you, can you help me out?"

The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on.

Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me, can you help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here."

The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out."

This story is from a very powerful episode of "The West Wing" (click the following link to watch the excerpt reference) (Noel (2000). For me, it requires no more explanation other than to say I think this is what compassion and empathy look like, in parable form. It is easy to prescribe and judge from the top of the hole. It is easy to throw solutions down from on high and make decisions formed from a place of extremely limited understanding. 

Compassion and empathy come from knowing what it's like to be in the hole, being willing to stand with someone when they're in the hole and doing what is necessary to help the person out of the hole (and trust me...we all have our own holes, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not). It doesn't mean helping the person dig the hole deeper, but I do think compassion and empathy also include acknowledging when one hasn't been in that hole and reserving judgment or meting out punishment because there is a lack of understanding of what is needed or helpful in the situation.

I have never forgotten this episode since the first time I saw it. I hope it speaks to some of you the way it spoke to me. At the very least, I hope the image is strong enough to remind us to use our experiences "in the hole" to be there for others when we see them in the same hole...and maybe refrain from playing judge, jury and executioner when we haven't been.

Alive and Well He Is

Hey ya’ll. It seems like it has been a long time since I last wrote a post in the blog, but in actuality Jill and I only switched places because she wanted to rant about Josh Duggar (and rightly so). I’m gonna be completely honest here for a minute, sometimes writing my blog post for the week can be the most stressful thing about my week. Not because I don’t enjoy it, but simply because I either have too much or too little to write about. Because this blog is important to my sisters and me, I want to be sure that I am passionately and authentically writing. Anyway, that’s enough of my prolonged introduction in avoidance to me actually having to writeJ.

So, for those of you don’t know me or maybe those of you who don’t know me as well as some, within the last month I have embarked on a new adventure to Memphis, TN. That’s right, the keeper of Graceland, Beale Street, the award winning Memphis Zoo, and the unforgettable historic moment when Martin Luther King got shot at the Lorraine Motel are all components that make up this unique big little city. A city full of diversity, history and culture is what I will be calling home for at least the next couple years.

“Why Memphis?” You ask. Well, I am a 2015 Teach for America corps member and Memphis is where I got placed to teach. Teach for America is a nonprofit organization that advocates for educational equity for all children in the United States. Many of us are not aware of the conditions that many children in poverty face, that essentially dictate the way they are going to lead a majority of their lives.  Memphis in particular only holds a 4% high school graduate rate and only 26% of its residents hold a bachelor’s degree.

The fact of the matter is, is that in our country a quality education is a privilege and not a right. The fact of the matter is , is that money dictates whether or not you are able to send your children to a school with a variety of resources, including teachers, that will prepare them for college, verses you having to send your children to a school that barely has enough money to support children with special needs. And the awfully sad, harsh fact to face is that the distribution of wealth in our country is what continues to support what we thought ended, racial segregation.

The average household income for a white family is around $54,000/year, while the average household income for a black family is around $32,000/ year. The black poverty rate is no longer declining and has taken a gradual incline to 28% and there are a higher percentage of black children living in poverty (45%) in contrast to 12% that of white children (http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2013/08/28/these-seven-charts-show-the-black-white-economic-gap-hasnt-budged-in-50-years/).

But wait, I thought that racial segregation ended so many years ago after blacks received the right to vote and could attend the same schools as white children? The truth is, is that although our law and constitution state that all men are created equally; the distribution of wealth is prohibiting this from being. Because more black families live in poverty, their children have to attend the less resourceful schools, consisting of primarily African American children. Because it is more common for white families to live above the poverty line, their children attend the more resourceful schools, consisting of primarily white children. So when we say racial segregation ended with the death of Jim Crow, this is simply an illusion. Racial segregation started with Jim Crow and continues because of the way our system is designed for the privileged white male to succeed and anything but to be forced to self-destruct.

Now, I say self- destruct because our system makes it appear as if the individual is to blame. However, it’s a vicious cycle within our system because a person living in poverty is not going to have the resources to receive a decent education and a lot of times does not have the supervision to enforce the importance of education because they are too busy worrying about how to put their next meal on the table. Because of this, the individual may not graduate high school and most definitely will struggle going to college. How is she/he supposed to get a decent paying job to support him or herself without a high school diploma? He/she decides to partake in some illegal activity that will allow them to make more of an income than flipping burgers at McDonalds would.

Eventually, the system strikes again and puts that poor individual exactly where they are supposed to be, behind bars. Here, they are no longer a menace to society (excluding the fact that some people would complain about our tax dollars). Here, they no longer have to worry about how to put their next meal on the table because it will be provided for them. Here, it is one less “criminal” our privileged children have to worry about. Here, it is one less vote the government has to count because as a convicted felon one’s right to vote is taken away. And here, most importantly, their voice is silenced. Because they no longer have a right to vote, they no longer have the least bit of say in directing the control of the very system that fucked them in the first place. Not to mention, their slightest intent of creating a life after prison is road blocked as well because who in their right mind would ever hire a convicted felon? Therefore, many times even after getting out of prison, the individual ends right back in there because they cannot find work after the fact which forces them to partake in other risky, illegal shit.

The Jim Crow Laws can be defined as the practice or policy of segregating or discriminating against blacks, as in public places, public vehicles or employment. system. . When we analyze the system designed for the success of the white man and the demise of the black man, it seems as if Jim Crow never fled our country, he simply put on a mask to guise the evident discrimination that was occurring and replaced it with what we call the criminal justice system.

Five Kids and Counting

I admit at the outset of this blog that I am not a fan of “19 Kids and Counting.”  Even before the most recent scandal involving Josh Duggar, I silently implored the public would stop encouraging, promoting and condoning what I perceived to be a grotesque exploitation of the family for financial gain.  It is unfortunate it took a serious situation like Josh Duggar’s sexual exploitation of five children (four of whom were his sisters) to stop the show from being aired.  It is even more unimaginable to me that large factions of the public are defending someone who is an unequivocal sexual predator and that TLC has not yet canceled the show outright.  I understand, to some degree, the general resistance to labeling someone who does not openly engage in sexually deviant acts a predator.  However, the reality is that all predators understand the importance of camouflage and very few predators show us what lies beneath an often unthreatening exterior.

Sexual predators camouflage themselves amongst the general population by being likeable and clean cut.  They train themselves to say the right things.  They prey on victims who are young, crazy, insecure and not credible.  They find a way to minimize their conduct and convince others of the same.  As a society, we are somewhat complicit in the sense that most people do not want to accept there are sexual deviants walking among us.  It is much easier for the human psyche to believe a predator cannot hide in plain sight.  Predators who are caught are not the ones who should scare us.  Rather, we should be fearful of those predators who are never caught or if they are caught, their conduct is minimized to such an extent they are not labeled for what they really are, like Josh Duggar.  

Jim Bob Duggar engaged in text book minimization during his defense of his son to Fox News correspondent Megyn Kelly.  Jim Bob stated “Again this was not rape or anything like that, it was touching someone over the clothes.  There were a couple times he touched someone under the clothes, for a few seconds.  Each time he told us crying. It was the third time that we decided we needed help.”  These three sentences clearly and effectively serve to minimize the seriousness of Josh Duggar’s criminal conduct.  For example, Jim Bob first tells us that it was not rape.  Technically, this is accurate as the conduct is more properly characterized in legal parlance as abusive sexual contact or sexual assault.  However, the fact Josh did not commit a more serious crime does not somehow negate the fact that a different crime was committed.  It is a difference in degree only.  Outside the context of a sex crime, the illogical nature of this statement becomes apparent.  For example, if a victim was beaten severely, it would make little sense to defend the acts of the perpetrator on the grounds that at least it was not murder.    

Similarly, Jim Bob goes on to state the touching lasted for just a few seconds suggesting that a short crime is less serious than a longer one.  Again, applied outside the context of sex crimes, the logical fallacy of this statement is readily apparent.  For example, if a person committed armed robbery, it is not persuasive to argue that the robbery wasn’t as serious because it “only lasted a few seconds.”  The reality is that a robbery victim is harmed by the intrusion and invasion, regardless of the amount of time the robbery actually lasts.  No one can legitimately claim that a short robbery is somehow less serious than a long robbery.  

Next, Jim Bob appears to suggest that remorse begets reformation by indicating his son cried about his actions.  Once again, while this may be a nice sound bite, it is simply unsupported by the evidence.  In most sentencing hearings I have participated in, the defendant apologizes, laments, cries and begs for forgiveness.  However, once released from incarceration, many defendants go on to commit similar or worse crimes.  The recidivism rate is well-documented within the justice system.  Tears and apologies simply do not equate to reformation.  

Finally, Jim Bob goes on to state that it took three separate occasions for the Duggars to decide they needed help.  This is incredulous.  If a child reported a teacher touched him or her inappropriately, no one would argue that perhaps the family should wait to see if happens a second time, much less a third time.  If a child was punched by another student, the argument would not be made that action should not be taken until the child is hurt two more times.  

In the same interview, Michelle claimed the girls were victimized more by the media blitz than what happened 12 years ago.  She pointed out that the inappropriate touching occurred while the girls were asleep.  Michelle clearly doesn’t understand the ramifications of non-consensual sexual contact.  Having sex with someone who is incapable of providing consent does not mitigate against the seriousness of the conduct.  Rather, it is actually worse because the perpetrator intentionally, willfully and knowingly took advantage of the person’s incapacitated state.  Michelle clearly doesn’t understand that her and her husband’s failure to protect their children from harm is a much worse betrayal than a media story.  

The Duggars’ current strategy, most likely in the hopes of getting their cash cow back on TLC, is to blame the media for re-victimizing their daughters.  Twelve years ago, Michelle and Jim Bob chose to place their children in harm’s way by not accepting the seriousness of Josh’s criminal abuse of their daughters.  Michelle and Jim Bob continued to place their children in harm’s way by forcing their children to grow up in the public eye in exchange for financial gain.  Today, Michelle and Jim Bob continue to place their children in harm’s way by minimizing Josh’s conduct. The only people who have re-victimized their daughters are Jim Bob and Michelle.  Perhaps they are the real predators here.  

A Little Bit of Fit

Fit Bit. Jawbone. Garmin. iWatch. Misfit Shine.
Fitness trackers are saturating the market, and consumers are eagerly purchasing their wares.

I have a confession. Part of me wants a fitness tracker, and another part of me loathes the very idea that they exist.

Let me explain.  I DO love physical activity. I personally engage in walking, running, biking, volleyball, strength training, and aerial silks. Moreover, I strongly advocate that other people should engage in physical activity. Not only is it advantageous for our physical health, but it is beneficial for our emotional and spiritual health as well. I believe that our contemporary culture is far too “heady” and that we become more grounded and connected when we engage physically.

I’m also aware that our current cultural arrangements make it easy to be sedentary. We sit at desks all day for our job. We work many hours so we don’t have time to be physical. We have cars that take us exactly where we need to go.  We are inundated with technology that mesmerizes us for hours at a time- Netflix, X-Box, Smart phones, iPads, etc.

Fitness trackers, therefore, encourage us to be physical. They remind us that we need to find breaks to walk around when sitting at our desks. They persuade us that we do not need to always drive to arrive at our location. They inspire us to work out daily when we would rather go home and watch TV. And they encourage us to stop consuming more calories than we burn.

So…there’s a part of me that wants a fitness tracker. Even though I’m already pretty active, I know that I can do better at driving my car less. I know that it would probably be beneficial to take more breaks during the workday to stretch and walk around. I would like to continue to maintain a steady weight. And…I’m gonna be honest…there’s a part of me that’s simply fascinated by the fact that fitness trackers exist, and that makes me want one. (Yes, the influence of American consumerism is certainly alive and well!)

However. (There is always, always a however! J ) There is also a part of me (and right now this is the larger part) that does not want anything to do with a fitness tracker.

Overall, I worry that fitness trackers and their numbers cultivate unhealthy obsessions. Should we work on being more physical? You bet we should. However, by quantifying our physicality, I’m worried that we stop enjoying activities for what they are, and we become more concerned with the final number that the activity will produce. Instead of enjoying a walk with a friend, for example, we start to think about how many steps it will add to our daily report.

Numbers, numbers, and more numbers

Moreover, I’m also concerned about the pressure we place on ourselves to reach a goal, and the potential guilt/shame that ensues if we do not reach it. Perhaps we simply had a lazy Sunday in which we just wanted to rest and binge watch Netflix. And we ordered pizza to boot. Because of our obsession with numbers, I’m worried of the guilty feelings that this might promote.  Obviously, a day like that would not yield the desired numbers, and I’m concerned that feelings of remorse will stop us from enjoying the simple pleasure of a lazy day. While I don’t think that we should have lazy days every day, I DO think that an occasional one is actually quite constructive.

Finally, I am also concerned about the “end goals” that are pushing us to track our fitness. I think that fitness trackers are often used primarily as a means of losing weight. And I am simply exasperated with “losing weight” as a goal due to its narrow, one-dimensional, superficial focus.

I want people to engage physically because they enjoy it. I want people to engage physically because they want to increase their strength and endurance. I want people to engage physically because it’s simply a habitual part of their life.

I don’t want people to engage physically because of the number they see on their screen at the end of the day.

Is it possible? How do we promote healthy activity engagement ? What do you think?

CELEBRATE!

 

Hello! Well, here we are again – having to explain our absence on the blog for yet another week. I feel a tad guilty as it was my turn to post last week and I just couldn’t get around to it. Truth is, I can barely gather myself and muster enough energy to post this week. I’ve had a whirlwind month of May. I legit have not been home one single weekend in May. If you couldn’t gather from the title and picture above, it’s mostly because I’ve been busy CELEBRATING!

The first weekend I had to drill and stay down at Cape Cod. I was also simultaneously working on last minute wedding arrangements, details, and packing. The second weekend was our wedding in St. John (see Jill’s blog post from two weeks ago if you missed it)! The third weekend I flew to Iowa for sister Kristen’s graduation. The fourth weekend, this past weekend, we drove to upstate New York to spend Memorial Day with Larry’s family. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “Well, you dumb bastard, no wonder you are tired and don’t feel like writing. Maybe you should have relaxed after your wedding. Did you REALLY need to go to your sister’s college graduation? I mean, a lot of people graduate these days. It’s not really that big of deal. Oh, and did you really need to CELEBRATE Memorial Day in New York with Larry’s family? Didn’t you just see most of them in St. John for the wedding?” Well, I have to admit, those questions actually crossed my mind as well so you aren’t a total A-hole if you, reader, are thinking them to yourself. Obviously though, I chose to CELEBRATE both events and can’t imagine choosing not to CELEBRATE them. I’m going to post twice this week so that I can talk separately about both Kristen’s college graduation and Memorial Day weekend so let’s start with Kristen’s graduation…

Coincidentally, one of our other wedding guests was also graduating the same weekend as Kristen, albeit from a different school in a different state. She is a good family friend of Larry’s. I had a conversation with her down in St. John that provided me with a new life motto and confirmed my decision that even though it seemed crazy to travel merely two days after our return from the wedding, it was absolutely necessary AND worth it. Anyway, on one of the last nights that all of our guests were in St. John, Larry and I met a bunch of them at one of the bars to say good-bye. I was talking to this particular family friend that would soon be graduating and saying how nice it was that her parents, sister, and Larry’s parents were going to be able to make it down for her graduation. I asked her if she was excited and she said she was not super excited because she didn’t “think it was a big deal.” I immediately responded with a gut reaction and told her that YES, it WAS a big deal! I explained that it might not have seemed like a big deal to her at the time because her entire circle of friends was also graduating so she likely couldn’t see outside of that immediate circle and realize how many people actually DON’T graduate from college. I further went on to explain that even if almost everyone graduated from college, it was still worth CELEBRATING. I specifically remember telling her, “life is too short- CELEBRATE everything.” It was a spontaneous quote at the moment, but I think I’m going to make it my new life motto.

Anyhow, fast forward to sister Kristen’s graduation. Yes, she was the fifth Alesch sister to successfully graduate from college. Yes, she is not an anomaly. But most importantly, YES, it was absolutely worth CELEBRATING. The thing is, I realized as I sat in the blazing hot auditorium listening to way too many names being called, when you CELEBRATE any event whether it be a graduation, a birthday, a wedding, etc., you aren’t just CELEBRATING that very specific accomplishment. Rather, you are CELEBRATING everything that has led the individual being CELEBRATED to that specific mark. In this case, we were CELEBRATING the mature, young woman that our sister had become. We were CELEBRATING everything that she both succeeded at and failed at over the last four years. From having a run-in with the police, getting that first failing grade, and rationalizing random college hookups to being brave enough to study abroad in Spain, making it through Army Basic Combat Training and getting accepted to Teach For America, we were CELEBRATING it all…failures and successes alike. And it was absolutely freaking beautiful. After all, “life should not only be lived, it should be celebrated.”

 

Speechless

It isn't often that I'm speechless and yet, today I find myself in such a state. I'm absolutely and utterly exhausted and simply lack the ability to dedicate my heart and soul to a post like I normally would. You see, all of the Alesch's-the assholes and the angels alike - and even a few of their friends and extended family descended upon St. John for middle sister Molly's wedding to a wonderful man named Lawrence. I spent a week in an alcohol - induced haze that seemed to be fueled by my very presence in paradise despite the activity of the day. Going boating? Grab the Corona. Going to the beach? Grab the rum.  Going to Skinny Legs for a cheeseburger in paradise? Order the guava special. Have to give a toast at the wedding? Down five glasses of champagne. It was a fun, relaxing, beautiful, romantic and love filled week.

It was not without harsh words and included a bit of drama but that is to be expected when you have 13 adults and my two children crammed into a five bedroom villa. It was also not easy to get 13 people to do anything much less to do it on time. Plus, St. John is an expensive place to travel to, to stay and to play. Oh, and good luck getting cell phone service there. So there were worries about money, worries about getting in touch with others, worries about who paid for what and how much and worries about who got stuck with the couch. I was constantly worried about my kids and whether I made the right call in taking them with us. They were exposed to cursing, drinking and sarcasm. But they were also exposed to real life, real love, real forgiveness, the ocean, the island life and so much more. In the end, I know I made the right call. My children have not been sheltered from the bad but they have also witnessed first hand the good, the beauty. They see the give and take in relationships. They see that an argument doesn't mean you cease caring about a loved one. They see conflict resolution and that no one is perfect. They see that right and wrong can be fluid depending on the situation. They see that life is meant to be enjoyed and lived to the fullest. They also see that there is a big world out there and hopefully, someday will understand that the sun does not rise and set on them, the local sports team, the local competition, or their job. I'm not downplaying the benefit of doing one's best and participation in activities or work, but what I am against is the rabid and often parent dictated importance placed on things that truly do not matter. We owe it to our children to expand their spheres of reality, not limit their focus to myopic levels of self accomplishments.

We all returned to general chaos...Amy stranded in Texas for what seemed like an absolutely ridiculous amount of time due to weather and flight attendants not showing up for work, Kristen taking a final the next day, me driving all night to start military school, and John losing a bag that never made it out of St. Thomas. My son had to go to school the next day after going to bed at 11 p.m. Anne was the only semi-smart one of the group who took the next day off work.

But...none of that mattered. I would do it all again in a heartbeat in order to see any one of us get married by Anne with the rest of her sisters standing up as bridesmaids. Yes, I could have bitched. Yes, I could have made people pay me to the penny. Yes, i could have let someone else plan a boat day. Yes, my kids got sunburnt and so did I. But all of these things simply didnt matter to me. What mattered was that everywhere I looked, there was love. Love between Molly and Lawrence that simply emanated between them...love between five different sisters, love between two families, love between friends, and love between my kids and their extended families. Sure, this is probably present in any wedding but the fact that we had all traveled so far to share in this experience really made me see so clearly what a lovely gift Molly gave us in giving us the reason to travel as family and friends, and to enjoy a week in paradise--a gift that most of us would have never bothered to give ourselves unless we were made to. So Molly got married, and yet, I was the one who felt like the richest person in the world.  It made think that is really funny how that works. The more we give, the more we receive. The more we refuse to accept a mentality of scarcity, the more we get back. And the more we embrace all of our emotions, the less power negative emotions hold over us because we begin to see they are just a small part of the whole. Whatever I spent in money, gained in pounds, and lost in liver functionality, I do not regret a single moment we were there in all of our dysfunctional yet beautiful glory. That's how an Alesch rolls.