In the Hole

"This guy's walking down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep, he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, "Hey, you, can you help me out?"

The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on.

Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me, can you help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here."

The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out."

This story is from a very powerful episode of "The West Wing" (click the following link to watch the excerpt reference) (Noel (2000). For me, it requires no more explanation other than to say I think this is what compassion and empathy look like, in parable form. It is easy to prescribe and judge from the top of the hole. It is easy to throw solutions down from on high and make decisions formed from a place of extremely limited understanding. 

Compassion and empathy come from knowing what it's like to be in the hole, being willing to stand with someone when they're in the hole and doing what is necessary to help the person out of the hole (and trust me...we all have our own holes, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not). It doesn't mean helping the person dig the hole deeper, but I do think compassion and empathy also include acknowledging when one hasn't been in that hole and reserving judgment or meting out punishment because there is a lack of understanding of what is needed or helpful in the situation.

I have never forgotten this episode since the first time I saw it. I hope it speaks to some of you the way it spoke to me. At the very least, I hope the image is strong enough to remind us to use our experiences "in the hole" to be there for others when we see them in the same hole...and maybe refrain from playing judge, jury and executioner when we haven't been.