Pastoral Reflections

It’s been a crazy past couple of weeks for me. I told someone that I felt as though the wind was blowing me into a million different directions these last couple of weeks- ALL at the same time. I don’t love being super busy and need to cut down on SOME stuff, but I DO like having so much variety in my life.

Some of that variety has actually included attending two funerals within the span of 2 weeks. Now, while I do work for hospice, I actually don’t attend hardly any funerals because I work with the bereaved in the time period AFTER the death of their loved one. So it’s pretty rare that I attend any funerals, much less two within two weeks. One of the funerals was for a fellow coworker at hospice, and another one of the funerals was one that I was asked to officiate.

Some of you don’t get to see the “pastoral” side of me.
You see me as the quiet and innocent girl that works

out alongside you at the gym…or as your confident professor…or your awkward/energetic friend….or the guarded girl that’s hard to get to know. I embody all of these seemingly disparate roles, and I’m aware of being perceived as all of them. The subject of how I can exist in such paradoxical ways in different contexts is a subject for another blog post.

Regardless, I’d like to share my “pastoral” side with some of you that do not have the chance to witness it. And so, for this blog post, I’m simply going to share with you the sermon that I wrote for the funeral I officiated a couple of weeks ago. This sermon says a lot about where I’m at right now in terms of thoughts and feelings of the past couple of weeks.

 This funeral was kind of a funny circumstance- I was on call for a colleague’s parish while he was out of town. This colleague informed me that no one had ever died while he was on vacation…and then…go figure…only one day after he left town, someone in his congregation died. BOOM. I was suddenly charged with planning and officiating a funeral for a man that I had never met. What the hell was I going to do? Well, as any pastor or theologian knows, there are theological insights in every life situation. It’s just a matter of mining it.

I wrote the following sermon based on the famous Ecclesiastes verse (the family chose to have that passage for the funeral.) The very last few lines- the ones that I bolded- are the ones that I based the sermon on. I changed the deceased’s name….just because. And it’s written for preaching, not for reading. But since this is a blog…you’re getting the written version.

A reading from Ecclesiastes 3: 1-15

3For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
² a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
³ a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
⁴ a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
⁵ a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
⁶ a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
⁷ a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
⁸ a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

9 What gain have the workers from their toil? ¹⁰I have seen the business that God has given to everyone to be busy with. ¹¹He has made everything suitable for its time; moreover, he has put a sense of past and future into their minds, yet they cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. ¹²I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; ¹³moreover, it is God’s gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in all their toil. ¹⁴I know that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it; God has done this, so that all should stand in awe before him. ¹⁵That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already is; and God seeks out what has gone by.

Some of you may or may not know that I am not Martin’s official pastor. Martin’s family belongs to this church, and as the reverend is out of town this week, I am filling in in his place. I am indeed a pastor; however, my particular ministry is actually with hospice- I provide support to people that are grieving the loss of a loved one. 

And so these past couple of days, I’ve been thinking pretty heavily about what I’m going to say for this homily section of Martin’s funeral service. You see, I never had the opportunity to meet Martin. I only met his family within the past week, and this was after Martin was already gone. And so unfortunately, I don’t have any special memories of my own to share about Martin. I have heard stories about him, I know some of the basics about his life, personality, and dreams- but I don’t have any of my own particular remembrances or perceptions that I can share.

What I know about Martin- I know only from his family- his daughter, his son-in-law, his daughter-in-law, and his brother.

And then- like it so often happens- I had a moment of incredible insight about just how significant it was that everything I knew about Martin came from his family. You see, I was reading the scripture text that the family picked out for this service, and one of the lines in the text simply jumped out on the page from me. It’s in the Ecclesiastes text- the first one that we read today. Verse 14, “I know that whatever God does, endures forever.”

“Everything that God does endures forever.” Everything that Martin has done- all of the lives that he has changed, all of the places that he has traveled to and lived- everything that has comprised his life- it endures forever. It goes on- it doesn’t stop- it can’t stop- there isn’t anything that can take it away. The very fact that I can know that Martin Pryor lived, the very fact that I can know that he was an educator and that he loved to go fishing with his beloved wife Amalia, the very fact that I knew that he had a witty sense of humor- it’s all evidence that everything Martin Pryor has done will endure forever. I didn’t personally know Martin Pryor. But because God’s creation is eternal and enduring, I am able to know him past the time of his earthly life. That is a power that is given to us by God, and it is a power that is awe-inspiring. Everything God does- including the creation of God’s child- Martin- it endures forever. 

And not only am I able to know about Martin Pryor and witness his life after his death, but so are others as well. Martin was an incredible educator and devoted much of his life to education. The students that he taught and the students that they will teach- Martin is the one that started that ripple effect. Martin’s ability to reach others and incite a passion for teaching and learning- that continues to influence people to this day, and it will continue well into the years to come. It makes me smile to think about his students teaching other students- to imagine the possibility of Martin teaching one of his students about elementary education in his time as a professor, and the way that that student could eventually teach young children about reading, and imagination. Who only knows where that succession of teaching would take that hypothetical child?  His family informed me that his students loved him because he empowered them to do the talking and to construct their own ideas. What a gift he was able to give them- the gift of being able to form their own identity and ideas. I can only imagine how they continued to use that in their lives as they innovated ideas in their careers and with their families. Again, what Martin Pryor has done here on earth- it endures, and there is not enough power in this world that could begin to take that away. God created Martin, and we will continue to know Martin, to hear his stories, to see how he influenced the lives of others, and to witness the ripple down effect of his teachings. What God gave endures.

The next line in that verse states that, “Nothing can be added to it.” To me, that says a couple of things. First, it’s the idea that God creates us just as we are to be. Martin was created and lived exactly how God wanted- he was God’s own creation- and thus there was nothing that could be added to Martin to make him more worthy than he already was. The second thing it also says is that Martin’s life is enough. That everything that Martin did- his teaching, his writing for the newspaper, his service in the military, the raising of his children and grandchildren, the moving over 30 times- he did so much, and there is nothing that can be added to it. Martin filled and lived his life with abundance, and there is nothing more that could make it more complete. Martin’s life was fulfilled.

And finally, the final line in that statement says that, “nor anything taken away from it.” One of the most powerful lessons that I have learned from my time in hospice is that there is nothing that is stronger than love. And death- for as heart wrenching, for as difficult, for as confusing, and for as soul-sucking as death can sometimes be- not even death has the power to take away love. Death ends earthly life, but it cannot touch love. We all sit here today, simultaneously mourning and celebrating the life of Martin Pryor. And you will leave here today, and you will still love Martin. And tomorrow, you will love Martin. And time will pass by as it is want to do, and yet- we will all still love and remember Martin. Time, death, none of it- it can’t erase Martin’s life, nor can it take away love. The beginning of Ecclesiastes talks about how there is a time and season for everything. And the very exception to those verses is love. Love doesn’t have a season. It’s beyond time, and it’s beyond death. Nothing can take away from Martin’s life and the love we have for him.

And finally, the last sentence in that Ecclesiastes reading states, “that which is, already has been; that which is to be, already is; God seeks out what has gone by.”

God is eternal and sees the world differently than us- God doesn’t see the world in terms of past, present, or future like we do. God sees all of that existing at the same time, and God sees us in our entirety. And since God always sees us in our entirety, it doesn’t matter where we are in our life- God is always seeking us, and God is always with us. And to me, this is the greatest image of all. Whether we are small children, whether we are in the middle of our life, whether we are happy, whether we are grieving, whether we are already dead- God continues to see us in our entirety, and God continues to seek to be with us. And that means that God continues to be with Martin now. That means that God continues to seek to have a relationship and closeness with Martin.

None of us know much about what heaven is like, and the Bible doesn’t actually give us much description. But that doesn’t matter. Because what we do know that God is always, always seeking us and wanting to be with us. And that means that right now, Martin continues to be with God. What that looks like precisely- we can’t know, and that’s okay. Because we know that Martin is embraced by God, and that is more than enough.

My heart breaks for us as I know that we are starting our journey of grief of missing Martin. You will continue to feel sorrow for many, many days. And my hope is that you reconcile living with that sorrow, because that sorrow is eternal love and longing, and it is a part of being human. But know that alongside that sorrow that Martin’s legacy continues to influence people every day, know that he lived life with abundance, know that nothing can take away your love of him, and know that he is embraced by God. And you, too, are will continue to be sought and embraced by God as you continue to live.

Mom

I haven’t written since 2016 and I think I’ve only written once since LJ has been born. I’ve dropped the ball on several occasions for weeks that I said that I would post, but didn’t as something inevitably consumed my week. I’m pretty much the weakest link when it comes to this sisters’ blog. And here we are again on a Thursday evening and I’m about to blow my week…yet again. I’m tired. I got little rest this past weekend as we celebrated my promotion on Friday (yay!) and St. Paddy’s Day on Saturday (fun!). LJ has been sick since Tuesday (sad face), I was out on Wednesday with him (another sad face), and now I have three billion things that I have to catch up on for work (emoji with staring big eyes). Oh, AND we are trying to put our house on the market so I’m running around every night trying to keep the place manageable for when we finally list it and have our open house. Whew.

In my head I have all these good ideas for a post (update on being a working mom, my promotion to Major, updates on LJ, a rant on the lack of maternity care in the proposed health care bill, etc)  but I’m just going to keep it short. I’m just going to write the post and consider it good enough.

Originally, when planning for my week to post, I was going to write about my promotion because I knew it would be a significant, happy event for me that I would want to remember. However, fortunately our Public Affairs office already did a pretty spectacular job capturing that on social media. So I’m just going to tell you two short stories from this weekend that left an impression on me.

The first is about the best card I received as a part of my promotion and congratulatory wishes. LJ’s daycare had “helped” him make me a card and I received it Thursday night after he got home. It read, “At work you are now a Major” on the front and on the inside it read “But at home you will always be Mom.” The damn card made me tear up. First of all, I thought it was pretty special that his daycare would take time out to make me such a personalized card. Second, it is so true. At work I wear my uniform, for the most part look somewhat put together, and for the most part have my work organized and know what I am doing. But at the end of the day, I’m still just mom. I come home and put on my robe that has spit up, food, and snot smeared all over it (see above unedited picture!). I crawl on the floor with my son. I make funny faces and babble baby talk. LJ doesn’t care what rank I wear or what I’ve accomplished at work that day. All he cares about is getting snuggles from me and that’s all that matters.

The second is about an interaction I had with another mom friend that came to our St. Paddy’s party this past weekend. She has a five month old. I haven’t seen her or met him since he was born so this was my first time seeing them together as mom and son. I could have asked what seem like the obligatory questions for a new mom: How’s he sleeping? Is he a “good” baby? However, I’ve learned from my own experience that those questions are not at all helpful. First of all, I despise how a baby’s sleep has become the holy grail of parenting. Like somehow if your kid sleeps through the night, you are a good parent. Second, what is a “good” baby anyway? One that never cries? They all cry. How can a baby be “bad”?! At any rate, I stayed away from those questions (and recommend you do too, readers!) and simply just asked how she was doing being back at work and balancing all of life’s obligations. We vented to each other for awhile and admitted to each other that most of the time we have no idea what we are doing. And at the end of the night, I made sure to tell her she was doing a great job. And the next morning, I texted her the same thing. That she was doing a great job and was an awesome mom. Because that, folks, in my experience, can mean the world when you are a mom (or a dad) in the thick of things – having someone that listens and empathizes and someone that tells us we are doing a good job.

 

 

Lock Him Up

Wake the fuck up, people. I seriously can't stand the hypocrisy of late. Specifically, I'm talking about Pence's use of an AOL account to conduct state business. For an overview, click on this:

https://www.boston.com/news/politics/2017/03/02/pence-used-a-private-email-account-to-conduct-state-business?s_campaign=bcom%3Asocialflow%3Afacebook

First of all, who the fuck uses an AOL account? Is AOL still in business? Seriously if I have to take shit for still owning a Yahoo! account I submit having an AOL account is positively primeval. Second, where are the outraged mobs that were calling for Hilary Clinton's head? Why are we just subtlety pissed off when a geriatric man uses a private email account but filled with hate and disgust when a woman uses a private email server? I kniw, you may be thinking, "Hey asshole, the Governor's representive said he didnt break any laws." Well, news flash folks.  Neither did Hilary. But she was judged like she had. And notably, i havent heard anyone questioning the results of the Pence AOL account inquiry. No, we accept that a man did not break the law much more readily than when a woman is involved. 

Deep down, you know the answer. Deep down you know it's because many people carry a deep seeded hatred for women who don't "behave." This is not political. Take the politics out of it and compare the behavior and the corresponding public reaction. There's your answer. Don't try to talk yourself out of it or deny it. The quicker the denial, the greater the truth. Sexism is alive and well.  Stop being part of the problem. Stop blindly following the crowd without evaluation of motive. Just stop. Have the courage to be who you are and stand up for what is right. And if equality still poses a problem for you, remember that if you can convince someone he is better than the some other sex, race, gender, ethnicity, etc., he won't notice his own pocket being picked. Hell, convince a person he is better than someone else and he will actually empty his pockets for you. BOOM. Finken out.