"There once was a poor old country farmer. One year, the weather was very good, and his crops grew stronger, taller and greener than ever before. In the tea house, in the evening, his friends and neighbors said how lucky he was. The farmer just nodded and said, "Maybe".
One night, the very night before he was to start the harvest, a herd of wild horses came stampeding down from the hills and trampled all his crops. In the tea house that evening, his friends and neighbors all commiserated with him. They said how unlucky he was. The farmer just nodded. He said, "Maybe".
The next day, the farmer's son went out early in the morning and roped three of the wild horses, worth as much as three years of harvest. In the tea house that evening, his friends and his neighbors said how lucky he was. The farmer just nodded and said, "Maybe".
The next day, when the farmer's son was breaking one of the horses, he was thrown, breaking his leg. In the tea house that evening, his friends and neighbors all commiserated and said how unlucky he was. The farmer just nodded and said, "Maybe".
A month later, the emperor declared war and his army marched through the village, conscripting all the young men. When the soldier came to the farmer's house looking for his son, he saw his broken leg and knew he couldn't be taken. In the tea house, in the evening, his friends, his neighbors, all said how lucky he was. The farmer just nodded and said, "Maybe".
If you go online and search for this parable, there are a number of different interpretations. That's the great thing about narratives...they speak to where you're at in your life when you hear them, within the bounds of the storyline. What this story said to me was that there is no way of knowing that any specific event is "good" or "bad". The consequences of moments and events have yet to unfold, sometimes years into the future and sometimes not even in our lifetimes.
Thinking about this, I realized that labeling events as one or the other was an impossible and futile endeavor. I also realized that some of the events, moments and circumstances in my life that might be labeled "bad" are some of the events, moments and circumstances that have made me a better person, made me more "me", made me more loving, empathetic, compassionate, honest and open. So are they "bad"? I've taken to using the words "uncomfortable", "frustrating" and "challenging" because for me, they are more accurate.
Too, using those words removes the threat and fear from situations...labeling something as "bad" immediately triggers a negative, judgmental, fearful reaction. As someone who has struggled with anxiety, this is a HUGE cognitive shift and in fact, began to help me manage and remove some of my anxious moments. I have been able to view events and circumstances as things that exist and that I have feelings about. I allow myself to feel the feelings and when I remember what I have taken from this parable, I am also able to remind myself that there is no way of knowing what will come in the future and I cannot and do not want to pass judgment on the "goodness" or "badness" of a circumstance as it exists and what it will bring in my life. This has lightened my load considerably.
Internalizing the messages I hear in this parable has freed me in some ways. And of course I have moments when I am better and worse at remembering what this story has shown me. That said, I go back to it frequently and share it with many in conversation, which is why I wanted to share it with you, our dear blog family. I think one could teach a course based on this narrative, as I only have time to scratch the surface in this blog and there are many messages and take aways packed in its simplicity. What do you hear? What speaks to you when you hear/read this proverb?
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