Now, crescent lunge is not exceptionally difficult to get into. I will say that as my yoga practice has deepened, I have realized that no pose is "easy" and every pose can challenge even a seasoned practitioner in ways previously unthought of or experienced (there are yoga nuances on breathing, intensity, muscle engagement, mental and spiritual presence and other significant characteristics that I am not addressing here). However, for the purposes of this blog post, most readers could probably get into what would visually represent a crescent lunge fairly easily.
So...I was in what might have been my fifth or sixth crescent lunge of the practice. Again, those familiar with yoga will know that the instructor usually reminds everyone that what happens on her/his mat is in that moment, in that day, and is ours personally...the practice has nothing to do with anyone else inside or outside of that room or moment. I found myself unheeding that advice. I was in crescent lunge, a pose I could literally get into after three glasses of wine and stay balanced, and I looked over at the woman beside me (in crescent lunge, your head is aligned with your spine, looking straight ahead). And I wavered and put my hand down to steady myself...again, I will remind you, in a pose I could hold without wavering while also holding a wine buzz.
I had become distracted. I was distracted from what was happening on my mat, in my life and self at that moment, by my sideways glance at the woman next to me. I lost my balance, I lost my focus. I've noticed I have the same thing happen when I'm really stressed and/or my mind is not fully present in the practice. When I'm thinking about the future or what I have to do for the day or "if this, then that", I waver in a pose and I lose my balance. Sometimes I waver and catch myself and sometimes I fall to a knee. Either way, I've lost not only my balance, I've also lost my engagement in my practice and in the present moment.
For me, what I've come to know and relate with this experience I've just shared with you is that this phenomenon is not unique to a yoga practice...physically or mentally. I've thought about this quite a bit and I've noticed what my physical body can and cannot do when I am stressed or anxious. I am unbalanced when I'm stressed or anxious...physically, as in a yoga practice when I topple, and mentally, when I metaphorically topple...when I am stressed or anxious, I am not my best self, which is my balanced self. My balanced self is the me that allows me to feel my emotions and not react impulsively on them. My balanced self is also the self that allows me to feel my emotions and react in a way that takes care of myself...and that might be in a stern, boundary setting fashion...but not in a way that makes me feel small and mean or is harmful to another.
There are many outside and inside influences that contribute to my balanced or unbalanced self...honestly, each individual's influences are likely individualized arrays of incoming and outgoing triggers, emotions, gifts and recharging respites. What I would like to emphasize with this post, and what I think is universal, is that when we are concerned with what another is doing, when we are comparing, when we become distracted from "becoming our best crescent lunge", we falter. We falter from our path and that which is our authentic self. Sometimes we even fall down and sometimes it takes a while for us to get back up.
I am not saying that we cannot take guidance from others...during a yoga practice the instructor provides plenty of guidance that deepens my practice. I am saying there is a difference between distraction and guidance and in our own lives, only we know what that looks and feels like and only we know which attempts at guidance are distractions and which are useful to take with us on our life journeys. It remains, however, that for me the parallels are here in this story, in my yoga practices. The times in my life I have thought maybe I should be doing what someone else is doing instead of what I'm doing (in my personal, professional, you name it parts of my life) because I've "glanced over at their crescent moon", I have faltered and fallen from my path and betrayed my authentic self. The times when I am happiest in my life is when I am enjoying my own practice, my own path, my own moments and am delighted and blessed with my own "crescent lunge", no matter what it looks like that day.
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