Tis the season

It's that time of year. I don't mean Thanksgiving or Christmas. I mean a different kind of season: Football season.  It's the time of year when one of my most hated phrases gets tossed around like candy at a parade: Football widow. I know this is supposed to be funny, at least I think it is. But you and I know it also is couched in a little bit of truth or in some cases a lot of truth. And because I'm and because I'm an asshole, I of course, can't really see the humor.

Having made the decision not to marry a man crazy obsessed with men running around and tackling each other, I first encountered this term in Afghanistan. There was a guy there who was not ashamed of admitting that during football season his family knew where to find him if they wanted to see him: watching the games. I have seen it thrown around on Facebook recently and instead of inspiring laughs, for me, it inspires disgust because of what it stands for. From what I have gathered, the term us used by wives when their husbands or significant others absent themselves for five months out of the year to watch football.  So I dont have a problem with enjoying a good game. I don't have a problem with having a favorite team or being a fan. I think these games exist for our enjoyment. However, when you get down to it they simply do not matter. Nothing changes in our respective lives if our team wins or loses. The world doesn't transform into a better place if the Pack gets the W. Yet, we have groups of men who spend so much time obsessing about these games that we have developed a tongue in cheek term for the phenomenon: Football widow. 

I could not be married to a man who absented himself from my life for five months out of the year for a game. I could not be married to a man whose mood would be dictated by whether his team performed well.  Again, it's not because I'm a raging bitch who doesn't want her husband to have hobbies, but because the logical part of me just doesn't understand why it matters. And this may hurt a few readers' sensitivities but it really doesn't matter. I think our country's obsession with football is somewhat pathological. The time, money and resources invested into a game that is supposed to be fun is astronomical. What if we put those resources into our families? What if we put those resources into bettering the planet? What if we fact checked the outlandish claims of politicians to the same rabid level we devote to football stats and our fantasy football teams? Wouldn't we all be better for it?

I get it. We all need hobbies. And unless you're an Alesch you probably can't analyze and over analyze to the maddening extent that we do. But if you are a wife who is using the term football widow then I encourage you to take a stand. You shouldn't have to put up with handling the majority of the child care, house cleaning, dinner prep, etc. just so your man can watch football. Enabling this behavior is just a damaging for what you are teaching your daughters about how their lives should look. I know for a fact I don't want my daughter becoming a football widow when she is married. I would rather she be single for the entire year instead of for just five months because a man's decision to devote his time and energy into football instead of his marriage is disrespectful and stems from an out of balance power dynamic that permits a man to turn his wife into a football widow. I don't want that for anyone and definitely not for my daughter. I don't model that behavior for her and thankfully neither does my husband. Hopefully, my son also won't be an entitled white male because of the role model he has. It is a two-sided coin. We have to teach our daughters to be strong but we also have to teach our sons to be real men. And in my opinion, a real man doesn't act like a child and throw a tantrum when his team doesn't win. A real man doesn't choose football over his family. And the converse is true as well. A real woman doesn't accept being a football widow as her lot in life. A real woman demands more and understands that deep down a man's refusal to change or listen to those valid concerns stems from sexism and mysogony, neither of which should be condoned, accepted or even passively aggressively  joked about on Facebook. #sorrynotsorry for not being able to see the humor in this phenomenon.