Hello all! I’m Ali. I am not an Alesch sister—more like an
Alesch sister groupie of sorts. They have been kind enough to let me post here on
any topic I wish, so settle in for some unsolicited Ali wisdom.
When I was thinking about what I wanted to write, I went to the old adage “Write what you know,” and lately I have been getting to know how important it is to have things about yourself that you wouldn’t give up for anything. Sound a little fluffy and dorky and like a lesson I should have learned during middle school? Maybe, but bear with me.
There are plenty of Pinterest-friendly quotes out there that tell us to “love ourselves.” Look! I will even put one here (I found it in literally two seconds):
When I was thinking about what I wanted to write, I went to the old adage “Write what you know,” and lately I have been getting to know how important it is to have things about yourself that you wouldn’t give up for anything. Sound a little fluffy and dorky and like a lesson I should have learned during middle school? Maybe, but bear with me.
There are plenty of Pinterest-friendly quotes out there that tell us to “love ourselves.” Look! I will even put one here (I found it in literally two seconds):
(Hey, pssst . . . Do you think this thing wants you to love
yourself?)Here’s me eating like I love myself, moving like I love myself, speaking like I love myself, and acting like I love myself, and after doing all of those things, I actually do love myself more. Not so much because the quote is mystical and deep, but because I love that I am a complete dork who just took a half hour of her life to make those videos for her own weird little entertainment. To quote Amy Poehler, “I don’t care if you like it,” because I do. Very much.
Let me go deeper into this seemingly unimportant thing. People put up funny little videos all the time, and in fact, Buzzfeed has made a business around it. However, those videos are for people to share, and the creators are probably looking for a little validation of their hilarity as well as some ad revenue. What I think is important about my love of being a total goon is that I can sit and heartily laugh at, and with, myself. As an extreme extrovert who likes making people laugh, I think it’s interesting that these are the moments that I want just for me. After making those videos, you can bet that I sat alone at my kitchen table and giggled gleefully for several minutes. This post makes it sound more and more like I have multiple personality disorder, but—perhaps paradoxically—I think some of the happiest and healthiest moments I have ever had were when I was by myself and did something funny, and I just thought “Classic Ali.” Yes, I refer to myself in the third person in my head.
These moments are especially important when I have gone through a particularly tough or stressful time and I am almost clammy with the feeling of not being myself. I will be going along and stewing about something that perhaps will not matter (I do that), and I will have a thought that will make me stop and laugh out loud. It’s in those moments that I will re-center, pull my head up, and think “There’s Ali. If she’s still here, everything is going to be fine.”
I have had stretches of literally days or even weeks when most of what I think about is a problem that I am trying to solve. “What will be my next job?” “Am I doing enough to advance my career and better myself?” “Am I giving enough time to the people in my life?” “Why am I having so much trouble not feeling bad about my last failed relationship?” “What’s next?” However, that one little moment to myself can suck me out of a vortex of worry and anxiety so fast, it’s incredible. Sure, the comedic element helps, but it’s not just that it’s humor, it’s my humor, and it reassures me that I am still the person I value underneath the worry.
Along with this ability to hold on to my personal brand of humor, I really love my ability to care about and for others. I am fortunate to have a lot of people I love in my life, and I hope I make them feel special and cared for every time I’m around them, as they definitely make me feel that way. Perhaps naively, I always thought that the things I value most about myself—my care and my humor—would be the things that would help me find and keep a romantic partner. Who the hell doesn’t like care and humor?? Well, apparently the only two people I’ve dated seriously in my adult life, according to my single status.
Instead of the things I love about me drawing in the people I fell in love with, I was left standing confused when these boys (I am using the term “boys” very explicitly) told me that they wanted someone more like the people they fell in love with in the past (re: emotionally unavailable people who cheated and left them in melodramatic shambles). They also said that I am a good person, but am sometimes “intimidating.” Let me tell you something: when you strive to make someone feel cared for and they say that to you, it hurts. A lot. Also, when you are getting back into dating, and people who have only interacted with you briefly during the whole resume, get-to-know-you talk are also continuously using the term “intimidating,” it starts to make you wonder if you should change. You might wonder if you should be quieter. Talk less. Act less intelligent. Hide your passion. Stop being such an open book. And after wondering that, this is what you should think next: Click here!
If I leave you with one thing today, it is this: don’t just love yourself, KNOW what you love about yourself and cherish those things. Nay, cultivate them. If you feel happy and you know that you’re being your best self and some wienie ass tells you that you are “weird,” or “crazy,” or even “intimidating,” guess what? I love weird people, crazy is a term used to make people feel bad about having ideas and feelings, and even if you are intimidating, it simply means that you’re conveying power and that fool doesn’t want you to have any. So what do you do? Say it with me now: Click here!
We’re all getting older all the time, and any age is too old to spend time worrying about anything but your happiness and the happiness of the people who actually matter to you. So I want you to think about those things that you love so much about yourself that they simultaneously pull you out of a funk and give you the renewed vigor to get out there and do what needs to be done. And please share them here! Shout them from the rooftops (I mean, you don’t have to, but it is encouraged).
Ali
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