Monday Metaphors

I just painted over the last of the green trim in my apartment. It took me exactly 3 years to get to this point.

I moved into my current apartment in August of 2012. I had just finished grad school in Nashville, Tennessee, and I was moving to Des Moines to start a chaplain residency position at Methodist Hospital.

To be honest, I was personally a complete and utter wreck when I first moved into my apartment in August 2012. I don’t want to go into too much backstory, but suffice to say, I was literally at the lowest point of my life thus far that particular August. In the past 6 months, I had “lost” nearly every dream and piece of my identity that I valued. I was drowning in grief and loss, and I couldn’t figure out how to come up for air. I…felt shattered. It may seem melodramatic without context, but I had honestly endured more in that 6 months than I had the rest of my accumulated 26 years. I was so broken, with no dreams or self-worth to help me stay afloat.

Because of that broken state, I moved from Tennessee to Des Moines without a place to live. I literally just packed up everything I owned into a Penske truck, and I drove to Des Moines without any idea where I was going to live. And oh yeah- I was scheduled to start a new job in less than a week.

I did have the wherewithal to know that homelessness was not ideal, so I started searching for a place once I arrived in Des Moines. I viewed one duplex that was within walking distance of Methodist hospital (my new future employer). On paper, it seemed like it was a place that I would like, but something just didn’t feel right to me. My potential landlord drew up a lease for me, but I hesitated to sign it. I didn’t understand why, so I started playing around on Craig’s List as I processed my reticence.

While I pissed around on Craig’s List, I stumbled across a listing that I hadn’t noticed before. I almost gasped when I saw it- it just seemed perfect. It was near a university. The price was very affordable. It had a fireplace. It was a duplex. It had both a front and a back porch. And it had a basement! I called the number listed, and the landlord offered to show it to me that afternoon.

UGLY UGLY GREEN TRIM. GOODBYE.

I walked into the apartment, and within two steps, I just knew that the place was home. I felt the first flicker of excitement that I had experienced in months. I told the landlord I wanted it before we even saw the whole apartment! I think he was rather surprised by my exuberance, but he agreed to rent it to me. And the best part- I could move in immediately. So I wouldn’t have to live in my Penske truck. J

Now, I know that I have painted a rather fairy tale portrait of my apartment thus far. Part of that is because I’m looking at it through rose-colored hindsight glasses. However, I do realize that my apartment definitely wasn’t….problem free. First, the interior was incredibly ugly. There was hunter.green.trim. everywhere. Seriously, the ugliest trim color I have ever seen.  The walls were a faded white. I had no furniture, except for a cheap Wal-Mart couch that I “lovingly” referred to as a ‘car seat futon’ (because it was such a piece of crap that it more closely resembled a removable car seat from a van than a couch.) My TV was an old tube TV that my family had gotten when I was in elementary school. I honestly didn’t even know how to use it- I just kind of kept moving it around thinking I would eventually use a TV. I did have bedroom furniture, although it was secondhand furniture that could really use more nails to keep it together.

It’s been quite the process to make some changes. First of all, my landlord refused to let me paint when I first moved. I think he was fearful that I was going to leave after a year, and then he would have to re-paint everything for a new tenant. Additionally, despite having my Master’s degree, I was basically paid pennies for my chaplain residency. So I didn’t have the financial resources to make many changes. In fact, I was donating plasma twice a week just to ensure that I was able to pay my bills and eat.

AFTER! Crisp white trim with an accent wall

But slowly, my apartment has evolved over the past 3 years. I found an amazing couch and chair set at Nebraska Furniture Mart that my friends have deemed some of the “comfiest furniture ever.”  J I have discovered some cool secondhand stuff at Goodwill/Craig’s List that I’ve spent time DIY-ing and fixing up. I bought my FIRST ever TV. And I finally, finally, convinced my landlord after 2 years that I was trustworthy enough to paint my apartment. And so I’ve spent the last year finding time to paint my apartment. I painted my dining room, living room, and kitchen last summer. I painted my bedroom this past winter. And I just completed my bathroom this August.

And it’s amazed me how the correlation between my apartment’s evolution has mirrored my own personal evolution. It’s one of those correlations where it’s hard to articulate how one affects the other because they become so intertwined.  I graduated chaplain residency after 1.5 years, and I found an amazing job as bereavement coordinator for hospice. I am just about to start teaching my second course for Simpson College- a course I created. I just had a great summer with friends and family- I officiated my sister’s wedding in the Virgin Islands, I officiated my best friend’s wedding in South Dakota, I went to two bachelorette parties, and I spent time at a friend’s cabin by the lake. And… I’ve gained enough physical strength that I’m able to climb up 20 feet of silks.

This is usually the part of the blog post where I draw everything together, and I write some of my own conclusions. But I’m not going to do that here for a couple of reasons. First, I could pontificate for HOURS about the meanings and reflections I’ve had from the past 3 years.  Reflections on creation, God’s grace, intuition, and patience- I could go on for quite awhile. Second, I want to leave this post primarily as metaphor and let readers draw their own conclusions and meaning.

So I’ll close with this. I just finished painting the last of the ugly ass green trim in my apartment. The last of it was in my bathroom, and I just finished painting over it this August. The green trim is still there underneath the 6 coats of white glossy paint. It will always be there, but it no longer shines through.

My apartment isn’t finished. Not by a long shot. I still have plans and ideas for projects that I would love to do.

But the green trim is gone.