Who Are You?

Okay, readers. I am going to attempt to collect my meandering thoughts into a coherent blog post.

I’ve been reflecting quite a bit on identity lately. I'm particularly fascinated by the designations that people choose to self-identify with to label themeslves. For example, some people find it very important to claim their political party (such as Democrat or Republican) as an aspect of their identity: “My name is Joe Smith, and I am a Republican.” Others think it is vital to have their religious affiliation (like Christian or atheist) to assist with defining who they are: “My name is Jane Smith, and I am a Christian.” The possibilities for self-identity labels are endless: gender, sexuality, race, geography, hobbies, age, career, etc. etc. etc.

One of the primary reasons I’ve been reflecting on this phenomenon is because I’ve recently realized that I have a very difficult time claiming very many labels as a part of my identity. For example, I don’t really want to claim a political affiliation as an aspect of my identity. Additionally, even though I’ve played sports all my life, I don’t even really claim “athlete” as a label for who I am. It just sounds funny to me to own the statement, "I am an athlete." I have a really, really strong resistance to claim almost any label as a part of me.

I totally understand that for some people, choosing their own labels as self-identifiers is a form of empowerment. Additionally, it’s also a means of naming the shared experience that they have with the other people that also claim that label for themselves. I definitely understand why other people choose to use labels as a means of reflecting who they are.

And so now…because I’m contemplative…I’m wondering about the degree to which my resistance to personal labels is positive, and the degree to which it’s inhibiting.

On the one hand, I think that one of the reasons that I hesitate to use many labels for myself is because I am very aware of my own complexities and paradoxes. Let me give you a slightly facetious/humorous example.  Some of my coworkers have recently been teasing me about being a Disney princess. And I’m amused by it because on the one hand, that label does fit. I mean, I wear a lot of skirts/dresses…I have long hair…and I really like mythical creatures. Very princess-y, right?!?! But on the other hand…I’m not very princess-y. When I’m not at work, I’m usually in gym clothes (some of which I still have from high school, and some of which have paint splatters everywhere). And I don’t just wear these in the sanctity of my apartment. Nope- I run errands all over Des Moines without thinking twice. Not very high maintenance or princess-y, right? The point I’m trying to make is that I often hesitate to claim labels for myself because I’m aware of the ways that it does not fit or feel right to me.

Yup. A chaplain with sparkles. #winning

I also hesitate to use many labels because I do not want the label to define the totality of who I am. For example, much of my education process was spent talking about pastoral identity. And I always struggled with these discussions because I did not understand what was supposed to be different about my pastoral identity. For me, being engaged in ministry does not mean that I take on a different persona. “Anne the Chaplain” is really pretty similar to “Anne.” I may be more intentional in how I express certain attributes, and someone may perceive me as a representation of the divine, but in all of that, I’m still very much….Anne. To be Anne is to be a chaplain and vice versa. I don’t know how to separate the two, or if that’s even really what it means to have a pastoral identity. I know I need to continue to wrestle with this one in particular (since, ya know, it’s like my career).

However, I do want to challenge my peculiar resistance to claiming labels for myself. I mean, I could just reclaim labels for myself. To go back to my earlier example- who’s to say that being princess-y doesn’t include wearing gym clothes? Maybe being a princess includes dresses and paint splattered, high school T-shirts. Maybe that’s what princess means to me, and that’s enough.

Eh…I still struggle with that point, however. It’s the great philosophical question: who decides? Who decides what the litmus test is for belonging to any sort of group and being able to claim membership? I mean, on the one hand, you aren’t going to find an individual that meets all the criteria for any sort of group. But on the other hand, I don’t know if it’s entirely fair that someone can just take any label and claim they are a part of that group. For example, if I take one biology course in college, is it really fair that I start calling myself ‘doctor’ as a part of my identity?

So…I don’t know. When can and should we reclaim and re-appropriate labels?

I also want to remind myself that there is diversity within communities. And just because I use a label for myself, that does not mean that I necessarily agree or connect with all aspects of the community. What’s important is that I connect and commit to the overall trajectory and mission of the community. I’ve really tried to grow into this one by trying to claim “Christian” as a part of my identity again. I used to be fearful of claiming that word as a part of my identity because I didn’t want to be associated with “one of those types of Christians.” But…here’s the thing. There is so much diversity within Christianity, and that is a good thing. Even if there are particular individuals, beliefs, or histories that I disagree with, that does not mean that I should completely reject it. There is significant variety and diversity with all the labels we choose to claim as a part of ourselves.

So…in conclusion…I’m not really sure where I stand or where I’ll end up going with this. It’s just a phenomenon that I noticed about myself- my resistance to claiming labels for myself when others seem to do so readily.

What labels do you choose to claim for yourself? Why? Why not?