Memphis and the South: Things I've Learned/ Noted

Hey ya’ll! So it’s going to be a short, simple blog post this week because I am absolutely exhausted from professional development with my school. School starts August 10 in Memphis and I will be teaching Spanish II and Spanish III at Fairley High School. In-service for Fairley teachers began last Thursday (7-23-2015) and runs up until the Friday before school starts (8-7-2015). I have a lot yet to learn as a first year teacher though, so I am grateful for the extensive training I am getting J. I also have drill this upcoming weekend with my new National Guard unit in Brownsville, TN (50 miles away from Memphis), so my weekend is pretty much shot as well. You know what they say, “no rest for the wicked.”

Anyway, I have been living in Memphis for about 2 months now and it really is a unique, peculiar place. I really enjoy the culture, attitude and overall vibe the city gives off so far. It is such a big little city in the sense that a lot of people know each other in one way or another and that is reinforced with its strong community connection and involvement. Since I have been living here for a hot minute (common phrase used in the south that means "a little while"), I thought I would briefly blog about some of the things that I have picked up on and/or noticed so far.

1)      Similarly to the Midwest, one does not enter a room without saying “good morning”………To everyone.

2)      The south is also similar to the Midwest (maybe Memphis in particular) in the sense that it is really inexpensive to comfortably live.

3)    Not everyone from the state of Mississippi talks with a Southern accent. Now if you ask me how, I could not tell you why.

4)      “Junt” is equivalent to a noun. It can be used as a person place or a thing. “That’s a junt” or “He a junt.”

5)      If you don’t know the song “Watch me (Whip/Nae Nae),” you better YouTube it or take your ass back north.

6)      People not originally from the south always joke about using the term “ya’ll,” but it really is a contagious word and a part of southern culture. Live it, breathe it, be it.

7)      There is no Pancheros down here and a minimal amount of even Chipotles. There is however, a raunchy burrito place called Moes, which I have yet to try. If it's raunchy and burrito-y I'm sure I'll enjoy it.

8)      It’s common to be called terms of endearment by people you have never met before or will never see again (baby, honey, dear, darling, and sweetheart).

9)      Waffle House is not the epitome of the south. It’s actually just a really great, greasy place to eat when you’re hung-over.

10)   When someone says “Bless your heart,” they’re not being kind.

11)   When someone says that they’re someone’s cousin, they’re probably just really a close friend of theirs.

12)   #gritandgrind began as a team logo for the Memphis Grizzlies and is now a lifestyle and work ethic of Memphians.

13)   Just because two states are in the south does not mean that they are in reasonable driving distance of each other. It takes longer to get from Florida to Tennessee than it does from Iowa to Tennessee.

14)   Telling people you’re from Iowa is like telling people you’re from Antartica. “Iowa? Is that the potato state?”

15)   Although many people from the south are very prideful of southern history, most people are not, however, carrying around Confederate flags in their back pockets.

There you have it. Since moving to Memphis, those are just a few of the things that I have learned about the city and the south in general. I am sure this list will continue to grow as I become more accustomed to my new home and create an ambitious life down here J. YA'LL have a great day!

Who Are You?

Okay, readers. I am going to attempt to collect my meandering thoughts into a coherent blog post.

I’ve been reflecting quite a bit on identity lately. I'm particularly fascinated by the designations that people choose to self-identify with to label themeslves. For example, some people find it very important to claim their political party (such as Democrat or Republican) as an aspect of their identity: “My name is Joe Smith, and I am a Republican.” Others think it is vital to have their religious affiliation (like Christian or atheist) to assist with defining who they are: “My name is Jane Smith, and I am a Christian.” The possibilities for self-identity labels are endless: gender, sexuality, race, geography, hobbies, age, career, etc. etc. etc.

One of the primary reasons I’ve been reflecting on this phenomenon is because I’ve recently realized that I have a very difficult time claiming very many labels as a part of my identity. For example, I don’t really want to claim a political affiliation as an aspect of my identity. Additionally, even though I’ve played sports all my life, I don’t even really claim “athlete” as a label for who I am. It just sounds funny to me to own the statement, "I am an athlete." I have a really, really strong resistance to claim almost any label as a part of me.

I totally understand that for some people, choosing their own labels as self-identifiers is a form of empowerment. Additionally, it’s also a means of naming the shared experience that they have with the other people that also claim that label for themselves. I definitely understand why other people choose to use labels as a means of reflecting who they are.

And so now…because I’m contemplative…I’m wondering about the degree to which my resistance to personal labels is positive, and the degree to which it’s inhibiting.

On the one hand, I think that one of the reasons that I hesitate to use many labels for myself is because I am very aware of my own complexities and paradoxes. Let me give you a slightly facetious/humorous example.  Some of my coworkers have recently been teasing me about being a Disney princess. And I’m amused by it because on the one hand, that label does fit. I mean, I wear a lot of skirts/dresses…I have long hair…and I really like mythical creatures. Very princess-y, right?!?! But on the other hand…I’m not very princess-y. When I’m not at work, I’m usually in gym clothes (some of which I still have from high school, and some of which have paint splatters everywhere). And I don’t just wear these in the sanctity of my apartment. Nope- I run errands all over Des Moines without thinking twice. Not very high maintenance or princess-y, right? The point I’m trying to make is that I often hesitate to claim labels for myself because I’m aware of the ways that it does not fit or feel right to me.

Yup. A chaplain with sparkles. #winning

I also hesitate to use many labels because I do not want the label to define the totality of who I am. For example, much of my education process was spent talking about pastoral identity. And I always struggled with these discussions because I did not understand what was supposed to be different about my pastoral identity. For me, being engaged in ministry does not mean that I take on a different persona. “Anne the Chaplain” is really pretty similar to “Anne.” I may be more intentional in how I express certain attributes, and someone may perceive me as a representation of the divine, but in all of that, I’m still very much….Anne. To be Anne is to be a chaplain and vice versa. I don’t know how to separate the two, or if that’s even really what it means to have a pastoral identity. I know I need to continue to wrestle with this one in particular (since, ya know, it’s like my career).

However, I do want to challenge my peculiar resistance to claiming labels for myself. I mean, I could just reclaim labels for myself. To go back to my earlier example- who’s to say that being princess-y doesn’t include wearing gym clothes? Maybe being a princess includes dresses and paint splattered, high school T-shirts. Maybe that’s what princess means to me, and that’s enough.

Eh…I still struggle with that point, however. It’s the great philosophical question: who decides? Who decides what the litmus test is for belonging to any sort of group and being able to claim membership? I mean, on the one hand, you aren’t going to find an individual that meets all the criteria for any sort of group. But on the other hand, I don’t know if it’s entirely fair that someone can just take any label and claim they are a part of that group. For example, if I take one biology course in college, is it really fair that I start calling myself ‘doctor’ as a part of my identity?

So…I don’t know. When can and should we reclaim and re-appropriate labels?

I also want to remind myself that there is diversity within communities. And just because I use a label for myself, that does not mean that I necessarily agree or connect with all aspects of the community. What’s important is that I connect and commit to the overall trajectory and mission of the community. I’ve really tried to grow into this one by trying to claim “Christian” as a part of my identity again. I used to be fearful of claiming that word as a part of my identity because I didn’t want to be associated with “one of those types of Christians.” But…here’s the thing. There is so much diversity within Christianity, and that is a good thing. Even if there are particular individuals, beliefs, or histories that I disagree with, that does not mean that I should completely reject it. There is significant variety and diversity with all the labels we choose to claim as a part of ourselves.

So…in conclusion…I’m not really sure where I stand or where I’ll end up going with this. It’s just a phenomenon that I noticed about myself- my resistance to claiming labels for myself when others seem to do so readily.

What labels do you choose to claim for yourself? Why? Why not?

Three Pack

Hello! Molly here. I haven’t posted since May - right after Memorial Day. I promised a follow-up post to comment on our Memorial Day celebrations but never got around to it. Honestly, I didn’t feel like anybody (except my husband who asked me when he could read the follow-up post) actually wanted to read the second part. And truth be told, nobody else inquired about it so it remains an untold story. Anyhow, the aforementioned (feeling like nobody reads my posts) coupled with the fact that we Dissident Daughters agreed to ensure we post regularly even if one has not much time nor energy, has inspired a rather short, simple post from yours truly. I don’t feel like philosophizing about one of the many issues for which I have passion and I don’t feel like discussing a hot topic in the news. So here goes…

The big, entertaining news in the middle child’s life is that our family grew from a two pack to a three pack this week! Larry and I adopted a 6 month old puppy from a place in Dedham, MA called Shultz’s Guest House. If you live in MA and are looking to adopt, definitely check out their website (www.sghrescue.org). Such an amazing organization! We adopted Daphne, who is supposedly a lab/beagle mix (thought I think she has some greyhound in her because fortunately for me, she loves to run!), last Tuesday and already I have learned and realized so much from my new experience in being a dog owner. Here are the top 3:

1.       Although I am not yet a parent (and by no means do I want to minimize/trivialize the parenting experience), being a puppy mama has some similarities to being a baby mama. The biggest one that comes to mind for me is that you can’t “hurry up” a puppy just like you can’t “hurry up” a child. Children and puppies simply want to enjoy life and have not lost the ability to stay in the moment. They aren’t rushing from activity to activity or place to place. They aren’t so distracted by modern technology and social media to literally stop and smell the roses. For further reading you should definitely check out this amazing blog post on “hurrying up” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-macy-stafford/the-day-i-stopped-saying-hurry-up_b_3624798.html.  Before being a puppy mama, I would go on walks with a mission. I’d want to get in a certain mileage or complete the walk within a certain time so that I could quickly move onto my next activity or obligation. Walking with Daphne has slowed me down immensely. She wants to stop and smell EVERYTHING and it’s been good for me. When she stops to smell the flowers, I actually notice what kind are in the neighborhood now (we have tons of beautiful hydrangeas right now!). When she stops still to try and listen to chase a bird or a bunny, I actually notice the sounds around me. I’m in the moment more and it’s nice.

 

2.       Being a dog owner automatically forces you to become more social. Before Daphne, Larry and I knew probably 3 families in our neighborhood. In only 6 days, we have met at least 8 additional families AND their dogs. On Friday night, many people in the neighborhood were walking their dogs. At one point, we had all stopped to talk and let the dogs play and there were 6 dogs and 9 humans standing in the middle of the street. I have never felt so “neighborhoody” since moving into the house in January 2014. Here it was, 7pm on a Friday night and we were all gabbing in the middle of the street. On one of the other days while walking Daphne, one of our neighbors asked if they were going to see us more now that we had Daphne because “no offense, but you guys were kind of hermits.” Haha!! I will admit that Larry and I are both kind of introverted people, but I wouldn’t have thought people would say we were hermits! Yay for Daphne bringing us out of our shells!

 

3.       People really can and do love dogs…sometimes more than they love humans. It was the cutest thing on Friday night because one of the humans standing in the middle of the street was an adorable 6 year old girl, Ava, who wouldn’t leave Daphne alone. She kept kissing her, hugging her, and playing with her ears. I never had the experience of really loving an animal while I was growing up so to witness Ava loving on Daphne was quite moving. My best friend Naomi and I joke that when fellow dog owners and their dogs meet, the owners are more likely to remember the newly met dog’s name than the newly met owner’s. Personally, I can list off all the dogs’ names that we met Friday night (Max, Riley, Chunk, Stan, Milo, Daphne) and only about half of the owners…case in point. Tonight while walking Daphne, a man intentionally stopped mowing his lawn so that he could say hello, not to me but to Daphne. Even more interesting, he doesn’t even live in the neighborhood – he was just taking care of one of the lawns. Furthermore, he asked what Daphne’s name was but had no interest in saying hello to me or asking my name. By no means was I offended as I’m not one for small talk anyway, but I did find it intriguing. Most likely he loves dogs more than humans. J

 

 

 

 

In the Hole

"This guy's walking down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep, he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, "Hey, you, can you help me out?"

The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on.

Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me, can you help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here."

The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out."

This story is from a very powerful episode of "The West Wing" (click the following link to watch the excerpt reference) (Noel (2000). For me, it requires no more explanation other than to say I think this is what compassion and empathy look like, in parable form. It is easy to prescribe and judge from the top of the hole. It is easy to throw solutions down from on high and make decisions formed from a place of extremely limited understanding. 

Compassion and empathy come from knowing what it's like to be in the hole, being willing to stand with someone when they're in the hole and doing what is necessary to help the person out of the hole (and trust me...we all have our own holes, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not). It doesn't mean helping the person dig the hole deeper, but I do think compassion and empathy also include acknowledging when one hasn't been in that hole and reserving judgment or meting out punishment because there is a lack of understanding of what is needed or helpful in the situation.

I have never forgotten this episode since the first time I saw it. I hope it speaks to some of you the way it spoke to me. At the very least, I hope the image is strong enough to remind us to use our experiences "in the hole" to be there for others when we see them in the same hole...and maybe refrain from playing judge, jury and executioner when we haven't been.