Forged by Fire

Seriously....UGLY.

I recently painted my entire apartment. Living room, dining room, hallway, and kitchen. I painted the walls…the trim…the baseboard…and anything else in between. I have been begging my landlord to let me paint my apartment since I first moved in two years ago. He had previously painted the walls a faded white, while the trim was hunter green. I’m trying to be diplomatic when I say that…I seriously wanted to puke every time I looked at the walls in my apartment. I love the size of my apartment- it's on the first floor of a house, and it's very homey with a significant amount of room. But the hunter green trim...was just...wow.

Once my landlord  finally realized that I was a satisfactory tenant, he gave me permission to paint my apartment. Of course, because I’m me, I took his permission to the extreme and decided that his permission to “paint” also extended to “making any changes that I wanted.” (Picture me in my kitchen ripping down cupboards). So, suffice to say, I also made a few…er…modifications…in addition to all the painting that I mentioned above.

This might sound silly, but it was quite the sharp learning curve for me to learn how to paint. Sometimes I joke with people that I am blessed with two talents (academics and athletics), and everything else feels like I’m constantly boarding the proverbial struggle bus. Painting was no different. I had no idea how to use a roller, and “cutting-in” sounded like a great mystery that only someone with extremely well-honed fine motor skills could do. Heck, I barely even knew how to put up painter’s tape.  One of my friends laughed (nicely) when she first saw me putting it up, and she took me aside to show me the right way to do it.  Thankfully, my sister and a couple of friends are amazing, and they helped/showed me how to paint.

Even after their initial help, however, I had a loooot of painting to do by myself. Make no mistake- painting your entire apartment by yourself is a significant time commitment (the project stretched out over a month). And, of course, the project wouldn’t have been complete if I didn’t have a couple of…incidents…along the way. There was the time that I spilled an entiiiire bucket of white paint on my three seasons porch. I saw my life flash before my eyes before I realized that it spilled on linoleum, and this enabled me to not only clean up the mess, but I was able to save some of the paint. My favorite incident occurred when I stuck my foot in a gallon of paint, and I had to hop to my bathroom on one foot in order to clean it off. (Many of these incidents could have been avoided, clearly, if I would learn to put the lid on the paint). Of course, a few drops did manage to permanently find their way to my carpet, thereby staining it. I was able to creatively address this problem, however, by realizing that I could simply cut the stains out of the carpet with a scissors. (Don’t worry- my landlord doesn’t read this blog).

MUCH BETTER!
(Ignore the carpet- still working on my landlord for that one!)

I have a tendency to imbue significant meaning on nearly everything in my life, and my painted apartment is no exception. Now that the project is done, I am THRILLED that I painted it. It just feels so much more home-y…so much more Anne-ish….and I just feel even more settled and content here than before.

However, it definitely took me awhile to get to that “grateful” point. There were several points during the project when I cursed myself, cursed my landlord, cursed the color hunter green, and cursed a few other things for good measure. I think at one point I even casually looked to see if there was a Groupon for hiring people for painting projects. I mean…it took a REALLY long time. I work full-time, and I also have many relationships and obligations outside my job. So it was very difficult to find time to paint. Meanwhile, while trying to find time to paint, I had to live with the chaos of having my furniture turned every which way and not being able to properly sit down and eat meals. Moreover, it was really messy. Paint got all over my table, my clothes, and myself. I got so used to having paint on myself that I wouldn’t even think twice about going out in public to run errands with splatters on my body. Suffice to say…it was quite the ordeal to paint my apartment.

But I am grateful for the meanings that I have gleaned from this project. I realized that I continue to be more influenced by a culture of instant gratification than I realized. Of course it is going to take awhile to paint an entire apartment by yourself!! Especially when it's your first time engaging in such a project. Of course, it is going to be messy!! It's paint! Why did I think that I could instantly have my apartment painted without incident?!?!

It sounds so simple, almost cliché, and yet is a lesson that I find myself learning over, and over, again. The most beautiful, incredible aspects of life are those that are worth the work and the wait. Indeed, they are so beautiful that the journey itself often becomes beautiful, even when it has bumps along the way. Now, in hindsight, I love telling people about all of the “stupid” things that I did in my painting process.  I love thinking about the time that I spent with my sister, my friends, and myself in the process. I love the time that I spent engaging my body and mind in creativity. Moreover, I would not enjoy the final product if I did not feel/remember all of the work and time that went into its creation.

I think about the larger symbolism as well- I think about all of the trials and tribulations that we experience as humans. And I’ll be the first to admit that I bemoan (AKA whine about) my fair share of the trials that fall into my life. But I’m at a point where I can really see how they shape me as a person- it is often the trials that best hone my strength, my empathy, and my patience. These beloved traits are not ones that can necessarily be cultivated in any other way; these traits are forged in the fire, and I love it when I can see their creation.

I love that creation and beauty can come from chaos.  I love that it can come from an ugly ass hunter green apartment. I love that it can come from trials and tribulation. I love creation and beauty.

Do any of you have any experiences that sucked at the time, but that now you feel gratitude about?

Toot your horn!

 

First of all, our apologies for taking a week off from the blog! I’ll take the blame for it; it was my turn to write after all. In my defense, last week was a crazy week coming off of the holiday weekend. Fourth of July shenanigans coupled with all of my recent trips back and forth to Fort Knox, Kentucky for the summer left me with little time or energy to write. Womp womp. Sad face.

Anywhooooo, I’m back at it this week (obviously!). Last time Jill blogged, she questioned whether or not anyone was actually following and reading our blogs via our Facebook posts. The rest of us sisters collectively agreed that we didn’t care whether or not even one person was reading them because WE sisters sure as hell were reading all of them and that was worth it in itself. We all live such different and sometimes distant (sister Kristen was in Spain this summer and sister Jill just returned from a Disney Cruise) lives and don’t get nearly enough time together to pontificate, rant, and philosophize. We keep in touch as much as we can through group text and email but it’s just nice every week to read a longer version of what is going on in one sister’s life or mind for that particular writing.

Even though we sisters pretty much text or email daily, I’ve been so busy that I don’t think any of them really know why I have been traveling back and forth to Fort Knox. I’m finishing up an assignment in Recruiting and have had to go there to essentially try to recruit ROTC Cadets to join the Army National Guard upon graduating from college and commissioning as a second lieutenant versus joining the Active Army or the Army Reserves. All ROTC Cadets across the Nation attend this month long training at Fort Knox between their junior and senior year so by making multiple trips I was pretty much guaranteed to talk to every single Cadet that had any interest whatsoever in joining the National Guard. Obviously, not ALL of them want to join the Massachusetts National Guard specifically so I haven’t had to actually talk to ALL of the cadets. With one rotation left, I’d say I’ve talked to maybe 125 Cadets. Of course me, being the Feminazi that I am (HAHA! See my last blog post), took mental notes on the number and types of FEMALE cadets with whom I spoke. By the way, I’m being facetious about the Feminazi reference- I didn’t take mental notes just because I wanted something to complain about- I hope that I AM and continue to be a female role model to other females so I want to be aware of and informed about the tendencies and characteristics of the women who are following in my footsteps, those whom I may one day mentor.

Like I said, I have already talked to about 125 Cadets. Out of those 125, I’d say I have talked to MAYBE 20 females. I’m not exactly sure on that number but I’d say its right around 15%. More importantly, out of that 15%, there were only TWO (2!) that were interested in jobs outside of Military Intelligence, Medical Services, and Adjutant General (basically Human Resources). Typically and traditionally, the aforementioned jobs involve more office type work than other jobs in the Army and fewer chances to command large groups of Soldiers. Most of the time (of course I am generalizing here for all my Army friends reading this), Officers in these branches follow a career path to become a Staff Officer rather than a Commanding Officer. A Staff Officer is no less important and is still a leader but as a Commanding Officer one is directly responsible for up to hundreds of Soldiers who fall under the command. In the civilian world, a commanding office would be the equivalent to a CEO.  Anyway, what I sort of deduced from all of this was that none of the females came up to my table with the primary goal of wanting to command someday at the higher levels. I just didn’t get the sense from any of them that they wanted to BE IN CHARGE.

Now, I could be way off base here or just reading into things way too much but either way, the whole situation had me thinking. Why didn’t I get the sense from any of the female cadets that they wanted to BE IN CHARGE? I surely sensed it from some, if not most, of the males. Hell, maybe it’s just me and a jaded view? Maybe it was just the way in which I interacted with the female cadets? But no, I think it has to be more than that. What? I don’t know but I have read several articles since then that have got me thinking even more. Sidebar: this is another great reason for writing this blog even if it is only my sisters who read it- I get to share and reference articles that I enjoy and think are important without always having to email them separately. J  

I thought back to my old days as a Cadet. I myself, never really had much interest in being in charge to tell the truth. What changed since then (because I definitely want to be in charge now), I don’t know. Maybe I had a couple of really good mentors who told me I need to be in charge? Yes, fact. Maybe I witnessed some really good female officers before me? Maybe I witnessed and heard about numerous examples of accomplishments and contributions by female officers?  Well, yes, that’s also true except to a lesser extent because 1) there just aren’t a lot of female officers (we are only 15% of the force) out there in general and 2) here is where my opinion comes in, I don’t think we as females toot our own horns, so to speak, as loudly and as often as we should! We don’t toot them for our OWN achievements often enough and we sure as hell don’t toot them loud enough, if even at all, for OTHER women as often as we should!

Hell, the United States Navy just named its first female four-star admiral last week

 http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/07/02/michelle-howard-female-four-star-admiral-/12018639/.

 and I barely heard about it. If not for Huff Post Women on Facebook, I don’t think I would have known about it. Furthermore, I failed to promote it myself! I should have been sharing that shit all over Facebook but nary a word from one Molly Alesch! Even one of my former male lieutenants was proud enough to share it! So that’s just one problem- not sharing our own or other women’s accomplishments often enough and loud enough. One of the other problems, I think, is that we use men as the baseline or in other words, we neutralize men’s accomplishments. This article really hits the nail on the head with that point:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/valerie-alexander/lets-stop-neutralizing-men_b_5558581.html.

The author discusses how during the World Cup, sports commentators kept calling Landon Donovan the “all-time US leading goal scorer” when in fact he is NOT. He is not even in the top five. He is the top MALE US leading goal scorer but Abby Wambach blows him out of the water when it comes to number of goals. Just check out the article. This blog is already too long for me to explain it to you. J

Finally, I think that even when we as females DO try to toot our own horns, we are often not heard because some men are too busy speaking over us and discounting our contributions. We as women need to learn how to and practice telling men to STOP INTERRUPTING US! Check it out:

http://www.rolereboot.org/culture-and-politics/details/2014-05-10-simple-words-every-girl-learn/.

Of course, I am once again generalizing. There are MANY men in my personal AND work life who will listen to me without interrupting. However, when Urban Dictionary includes the word “Mansplain” in its word list, one can figure out that not enough men listen and respect women’s credentials and contributions.

Anyway, by no means am I criticizing the females for not wanting to be in charge. I understand that not everybody is like me and not everybody wants to or is cut out to be in charge. However, I have to believe that more than two of those females want to be in charge someday and more importantly, have the tools to be in charge and make a difference by doing so. Furthermore, research upon research has shown that organizations perform better if women are part of the leadership. If we want to encourage women to move to the top or be in charge in any of our organizations, military or civilian, I believe we need to cheer each other on- toot your own horn and help other women toot theirs as well. So ladies, start blowing!