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| My girlfriend and I watched the sunset from our rooftop last night. It seemed like the perfect birthday eve activity. <3 |
Aging is weird. It’s definitely a privilege not granted to all and it’s also a little unsettling. You don’t always feel the process of aging, but you definitely see it, not just within yourself but with others. You witness your own and other people’s seasons, all which are a part of the cycle of life. Some seasons are joyous, some seasons are lonely, and some even tragic; all are beautiful in some way I suppose.
I write this blog to talk about what I have learned in my current season, the season between day one and 364 of age 28. Let’s dive into a few.
1) It is not your job to make people understand or feel comfortable with your journey. Throughout the course of the last year, and a good majority of my life if I’m being honest, I have had the tendency to overexplain. If someone didn’t relate to a decision I made, I would immediately attempt to explain it to them in a way that would seem relatable or logical. Sometimes I wouldn’t even give them the space or opportunity to ask a clarifying question because I would immediately begin justifying myself or the situation. This past year has taught me that I am not responsible for owning people’s inability to empathize or their discomfort. I do not need to prove, justify or over explain my journey. Their confusion and discomfort is theirs to work through and no one else’s, and I do not have to alter my journey in order to make it easier for anyone to understand.
2) The things we’re anxious about don’t always come to pass. Seriously, we spend all this time worrying for several situations to never even occur. Obviously there are some anxieties that are inevitable such as death, paying bills, etc. However, there are some that never come to pass and once we realize that, we will likely feel silly that we ever even worried about them to begin with.
3) Life isn’t on your time. There are some opportunities that you choose, and there are others that choose you. Sure, you can have a plan and prepare for the life you ultimately want to live AND life is concurrently happening all the while. Sometimes some opportunities aren’t meant for you and sometimes they just aren’t meant for you now. Either way, when life is ready for you to do a certain thing, meet a certain person, go a particular place, it will happen. Just trust the flow of the Universe.
4) Feelings are neither good nor bad; they just are. Feelings can be extremely uncomfortable. The discomfort they cause can make us want to eliminate or alleviate some feelings. A lot of time this encourages us to “act.” We numb, we run, we occupy or we make a decision that seems like the best way to get rid of the feeling. Sometimes feelings are telling us to act and other times they are telling us to sit. Feelings come and feelings go and they can tell us a lot about ourselves and the world we are living in. Sometimes they arise for us to learn and to notice, and other times they arise to motivate us to move. Either way, they are neither positive or negative, they just are. It is up to us to decide what our feelings are telling us about ourselves, a situation or person(s).
5) Intimacy requires difficult conversations and moments. There is no other way to build it. I told my girlfriend last May, “I don’t want to do hard things with you.” I don’t like emotional pain or discomfort, hell I’m not sure anyone does (umm, hello! Did you read the previous bullet point?!). I wanted to avoid every obstacle that could potentially cause sadness or emotional pain/discomfort. Truth is, love and emotional pain are not inseparable. When you love someone, there are always going to be moments of great happiness and moments that are difficult such as life transitions, distance, family hardships, conversations, etc. Both are critical in building intimacy and where one is present (love), the other is not too far around the corner (emotional pain).
Anyway, that’s all I have to close out year 28 and welcome year 29. I’m excited to continue to get to know Kristen Alesch. She’s a pretty great human and seems to just keep getting better with age. The last line I’ll leave you with (like I did for my birthday post a couple years ago), trust the Universe, trust your soul and be genuine <3.
