I stare in the mirror and I think about all of the hard work I’ve had to put in to get to this point in my life; hard work meaning emotional and physical, although you and I both know the emotional work is what’s actually the toughest. Every now and again I catch myself grabbing a bottle of wine when I want to cry or be angry, one time I walked all the way to the store just to turn around at the door because I recognized the tactic of numbing I had become so accustomed to the last nine years. They weren’t lying when they said, “For every loss there is a hidden gain. And for every gain there is a hidden loss.” I have wondered how I can simultaneously feel so incredibly full, all the while still feeling alone. I knew I was growing, as the places and people once so comfortable to me started to feel unfamiliar. Like a snake shedding its skin or a caterpillar attempting to break out of its cocoon. Cocoons- I imagine they are a very cozy place, yet also very dark and secluded. They keep you safe, but you also cannot experience anything but, that is, until you spread your wings to leave the confines of its walls when you’re good and ready to do so. Or maybe you're never really quite ready to the leave the confines of its walls, you just simply become too big and outgrow the place that was once so warm, sheltered and homelike, that you have no other choice than to break free and fly away, into the open air, feeling vulnerable and uncertain of the life to come.
