The "Learn from Kids" Curriculum

It’s funny how life changes. Five years ago over President’s Day Weekend my boyfriend (now husband) and I went on a ski trip to Attitash Mountain Resort in New Hampshire. We had a romantic weekend of skiing, drinking, eating, and snuggling. I came home with the life lesson that even though I think I am super athletic, I will probably never be a good skier and that’s okay because as Anne Alesch always reminds me, I can’t do ALL the things. Besides, I liked the eating and drinking part way better!

Fast forward to this President’s Day Weekend where we had pretty much no plans – it’s hard to plan much when you have a one year old. Although we had no plans, we didn’t just sit around the house all weekend either – there is NO sitting when you have a one year old. On Friday night we had some friends over who have a soon to be 6 year old daughter. On Saturday after swim lessons, we went to the mall to get Larry some new work clothes. LJ also spotted a bright yellow North Face coat that he had to have (his favorite color is yellow and it was on sale so of course we let him get it). On Sunday morning we played in the snow and on Sunday afternoon, after I had a minor breakdown because LJ wouldn’t nap, LJ went to his grandparents for the afternoon and Larry and I joined later for a Sunday dinner. On Monday morning, LJ, Daphne, and I were out of the house by 9am going for a walk because none of us do well when we have to stay inside. Then Daddy stayed with LJ so that I could meet my friend for a much needed girls’ brunch. Monday afternoon we went with our neighbors to the trampoline park and Monday night we had Larry’s parents over for dinner so they could enjoy some of Larry’s cooked-from-scratch meatballs.

Oye- now I know that you, reader, probably do not care about the mundane details from my weekend. However, I think my sisters might(?) and that’s one of the reasons we blog (even though we have been slacking in 2018). I also think I might look enjoy looking back on this blog five years from now as I anticipate that I will miss some of the activities I did with my one year old even though they can be tiring as heck when you are in the moment. As a good mentor recently told me, “enjoy as much time with him now as you can because one day you’ll wake up and he will be 7 years old” (excuse me while I stop typing and hold back my tears for a moment).  

Moreover, I guess the whole reason I wanted to write this blog was to talk about the “lessons” I learned from this weekend as compared to the lesson I learned five years ago on my ski trip. I already mentioned the lesson I learned while skiing. This weekend the lesson I learned is one that I am continuously relearning over and over. Although it sounds cliché and is over-memed (is memed a verb?!) on social media, we can learn a lot from kids and the way that they experience life. There were two big examples from the weekend that (re)taught me the same lesson from the “learn from kids” curriculum: little kids are not afraid to fail or be laughed at…that fear is unfortunately something we develop as get older.

So the first example…on Saturday while we were in the mall, LJ was all excited about his new coat so he was running around trying to find Dada to show him. He got going a little too fast and SPLAT fell right on his face in front of two other customers who laughed at him. Did LJ notice they were laughing at him? No. Did he cry and complain to me about how his failed attempt to run fast? No. Did he refuse to try running again? No. He simply got up and started to run to find Dada again.

The second example involves our friends’ 5 year old daughter. On Friday night she wanted to read to me after LJ had gone to bed. She is just learning to read so she still gets some of the words wrong and needed my help with a couple of them. Did she attempt every word even though she knew she might mispronounce it? Yes, she did. Did she quit reading when she mispronounced one? No, she did not. Did she not even try because she thought I might laugh at her if she got a word wrong? No. She had no issues with making mistakes and “failing” in front of me. After reading, she wanted to show me her Doodle Book. It is a cute activity book that requires the owner to finish part of the picture. For example, on one page there was a flower vase with flower stems that required the child to draw the flower blooms. The page that we first worked on was a picture of a hamster in a cage and it required us to draw some other things that you might find in a hamster’s cage. I was “good” at that one. The next page, however, required us to draw a matching parrot friend for a parrot that was already drawn. I am a terrible artist and my 5 year old friend wanted ME to get the picture started! I actually said to her, “No, I can’t draw so you better see if your dad or Larry can help you…” And then, I suddenly caught myself as I realized I was teaching her that I wouldn’t even try because I didn’t think I was good enough. I quickly gathered myself and said, “no, you know what, let me try. Let’s work on it together.” We proceeded to attempt the drawing together and although the finished product was barely distinguishable as a parrot, I felt good knowing that I had modeled TRYING and not being afraid of FAILING to draw the picture.

And that, folks, is all I have. Really not earth-shattering but clearly easier said than done as we get older. Have you experienced this lesson with the kids you’ve been around? Is there anything you have not attempted as an adult because you are afraid of failure?

Several Scheduling Snafus

I don’t know WHAT happened this week, but it was an incredibly frustrating week in terms of scheduling gatherings with friends and family. I’m not sure why all of the scheduling chaos all happened within THE SAME week, but it did. And so I’m taking the ridiculous prevalence as a sign from the universe that I should blog about it. J

Here are the scheduling snafus I have had in the last TWO DAYS:

1)      Montana Family Trip

The 5 Dissident Daughters and our father are planning on going to visit Montana this summer. Our dad is turning 70, and we want to celebrate this with him by taking him back to his ol’ stomping grounds. It’s going to be an incredibly beautiful and meaningful trip; he is going to show us where he fought forest fires as a college student and where he lived.

The problem? There are 6 people’s schedules to try and coordinate. And as you all probably know, all of the Dissident Daughters have many responsibilities and commitments. We thought that we had finalized the final date for the trip, only we realized that NONE of us had checked with the guest of honor- our father- to make sure the dates worked with him!

We are STILL in negotiations about what to do with this situation- if we can find new dates, or if we can find a way to make the original dates work.

2)      College Girlfriend Getaway

In addition to scheduling a family trip this summer, I am trying to schedule a weekend getaway with my college girlfriends. You see, this summer will mark ten years since we have graduated college together. To celebrate this anniversary- as well as the fact that we are all dear friends- we are trying to find a long weekend that we can get away together at a house by a lake.

The problem? Well, yet again there are 6 people’s schedules we are trying to coordinate. People that work, volunteer, have families, teach, and are just actively engaged in life. The other issue is that my scheduling with MY family trip is impacting the scheduling with MY friends trip. I told my friends that my sisters and I had finalized the dates for our trip….and then…I had to tell them that we are back in deliberation. I felt HORRIBLE doing this, but I had to tell them.

3)      Mom’s Birthday Weekend

There are three Dissident Daughters that live in Des Moines (Amy, Jill, and myself), and we are trying to schedule a weekend to celebrate my mother’s February birthday. Again, the problem is that human communication and schedule coordination is difficult. I don’t even know how to describe what happened, but it was a convoluted mess. First Amy forgot to tell Jill the new dates…then we all finally got on the same page in a group chat….but then Jill remembered she had a friend visiting the weekend we chose….so then we talked about doing it the next weekend…in the meantime our Mom called Amy…but then Jill and I still didn’t know…so then no one knew why we were confused…etc. Yikes. How hard can it hypothetically be to schedule someone’s birthday weekend? Apparently, it’s very, very difficult!

4)      Work Friend Outing

I have some good friends from work, and we have forever wanted to hang out at our coworker’s Cindy’s house. We set a date in January, but one of the group members couldn’t make it due to another family obligation. So, we set another date for February. Well, as the date approached, I had something come up, and I couldn’t make the date. We thought about rescheduling…but we couldn’t find a new date that worked for everyone in February. So then I said that everyone should just hang out without me. They planned on doing that…but then the weather started to look nasty…some other factors came to light…and in the end, we ended up postponing the entire event until March.

Now, I’m going to be honest and say that all of this scheduling chaos the past couple of days has felt very frustrating to me. I want to do all of these events, I want my friends and family to do all of these events, and I want it to be settled. Moreover, I know for a fact that I’m not the only one that gets frustrated. Tempers grow short, people feel slighted, individuals have different expectations of timelines, etc. It’s like…all of people’s differences in terms of what it means to function as a HUMAN manifest when trying to coordinate schedules.

And so…I want to take a minute to remind myself (and anyone else that finds him or herself in a similar situation), of the following:

A)     Abundance

Wow. What a sign of vibrant human life to have this as a problem. Is it frustrating? You bet it is. But how wonderful to have such a life of abundance that includes opportunities to gather with friends and family.

B)      Human. Communication. Is. Messy. And. Imperfect.

Anyone who tries to argue that human communication is easy seriously needs to have dirty diapers rammed down their throat.  It doesn’t matter how effective people grow at communication, it is still going to be messy. People’s statements are distorted or misinterpreted. People forget who they have told and what they have told them. People have different timelines of when everything should be communicated. People have a different idea of what the process for making a decision should look like. I am going to reiterate- Human.Communication.Is.Messy.And.Imperfect.

I try to remind myself of this when I grow frustrated that we keep going round and round and can't reach a decision. Of course, human communication can be improved by talking about expectations and needs, but that still doesn’t even come close to eradicating the messiness. Human.Communication.Is.Messy.And.Imperfect.

C)      Compromise

You HAVE to compromise. This probably sounds SO obvious and that’s because it’s easy for us to believe in compromise on paper, but it’s SO hard for humans to actually DO it. I’ll admit that this one in particular is difficult for me. I WANT to be able to do everything in my life. And even though that’s an unreasonable expectation, I still want it and expect it to happen. For example, I originally wanted to celebrate my mom’s birthday on the weekend of February 24^th because I had nothing going on that weekend. In my head, it was going to work out perfect- I was going to play in an Iowa Games volleyball tournament earlier in February, and then I would be able to celebrate my mom’s birthday on February 24^th. Wouldn’t life be grand?! I’d get to do everything I wanted! Volleyball and birthday celebrations during February- who could ask for more in this dreary winter month!

Well, it just doesn’t work like that. Dissident Daughter Amy has to work on February 24^th, and it turns out that my volleyball tournament was cancelled. So, I don’t get to celebrate my mom’s birthday on the weekend I wanted, and I don’t get to play in my volleyball tournament.

Life Lesson that Anne has to relearn everyday: Nope, you simply cannot do ALL THE THINGS.

D)     Love and forgive.

Love the people that you are coordinating with. Love the messiness that is involved because it actually gives you even more opportunities to talk and communicate with the people you care about. Love the anticipation of the event that you are planning- the more time it takes to plan, the more time you have to anticipate and love the event that you are planning.

Forgive yourself for not always hearing what other people are asking, and forgive yourself for hurting them. Forgive others for not knowing what you need and want. All parties are going to miss the mark in some way when communicating, and so try to forgive them and yourself for the missteps and misgivings along the way.  

I am excited about the fun plans I have coming up with friends and family. That being said, they get frustrated, I get frustrated, and it can be difficult to plan.

So, try to figure out what works for you and the involved parties. Talk about needs and expectations, and have everyone contribute ideas for how to make the planning process effective.

And just know that after all of that, it’s STILL going to be messy. We are human, after all.